Ehsaas - The Feeling...

Emptiness

no.. No…….. This cant be the truth.. Never.. Never ever … I cant love her. She is just my protégée and I’m her mentor… Just her mentor…..

  Jerked Rajveer out of his dream… He sprang on the bed from his lying position sweating profusely. His heart was pacing fast. A pain near the throat that cant be swallowed. His limbs felt numb. Like time around has just stopped.

  And this has become just like a routine since the day he has returned from Solitary Confinement. Every night he wakes up sweating, thinking about her all the more, falling for her again, but feelings that get rooted much deep. The pain his eyes bore could be seen by any sensible people. Sensible of course!

Rajveer…….. Captain Rajveer Singh Sekhawat, one of the most proficient Captains of the Indian Army. The iron man, having excellent track record, the best shooter who leaves no stones unturned to devastate national enemies. He was trained to be tough, to be fearless, to be strong. The world knows him exactly in the same way.

But inside this iron mask stays the innocent soul, the soul that seeks rest in the solace of love. The soul who is empty from within, who needs support no matter how strong he professionally is. The soul which craves for a family. And no one but the silent walls, curtains, doors and windows witness this very different side of the iron man, the emptiness he feels. Had these things had life, they could have easily understood the other cause that has added up to the existing ones! The cause that has broken him up to the tiniest of particle ever existed. But does they know this very cause can heal him to the brim. This cause has the potential to change his life…. Changed life for better!

  …. Im sorry Naveen…. I really am.. I know I shouldn’t feel for her the way I have started feeling….. Believe me Naveen.. But I cant help it.. I cant stop thinking about her. The more I try to stay away from her, the more she comes closer. I don’t know when and how have I developed these forbidden feelings.. I only know that im madly in love with her….. Thinks Rajveer, while unknowingly a lone tear escapes his eyes… the drop of water that carries all his emotions……

     Mujhe pata nahi chala uska sahara bante bante kab who khood mera sahara ban gayi…. Kab who mere itne nasdig agayi ke mai ab use dur bhag nahi sakta. Meri zindagi ban gayi hai woh. Chahne laga hoon mai use.. a crying Rajveer says.. Pulling his folded knees closer to his chest he tries to claim peace.. but from whom? He is an orphan, orphaned once again by his love…. The love which he thinks forbidden….

   Who mujhse kabhi pyaar nahi karegi…. Nahi karsakti… yeh pyaar galat hai.. who bus meri protégée hai…mere dost ka behen… dost jo mera sabkuch tha… aur mere paas hai kya use dene k liye? Na koi apna na koi parivaar……bus ek sach…. Jo sach jo use mujhse itni dur ley jyegi k mai chahkar bhi usse viswas nahi dila paunga apne upar. Who eklauta sach jo usse tod k rakh dega.. nafrat karne lagegi who mujhse…  he sobs harder…..

  Lekin mai nahi jee paunga uske bina..usse pana bhi mere Naseeb me nahi... kya yehi mera saza hai? Naveen tujhe yehi saza dena tha mujhe? Toh theek hai mujhe yeh saza manzoor hai… door kardunga Mai usko Apne aapse.. Mai kal usse sach Bata dunga… woh sach jiske talash me woh yaha ayi thi… woh sach jise Janne k Baad nafrat karne lagegi woh mujhse.. itni nafrat k Syed woh mera chehra bhi dekhna pasand nahi karegi…… thinks the iron man… his face determined, but eyes reflecting different emotions… but what can he do?

Getting down from his bed, he comes to the side table to drink a glass of water… looking at the empty glass he smiles sarcastically…soonapan kabhi mera peecha nahi chodegi….

He walks ahead to open the windows ajar.. to let the cool breeze in… to let the breeze heal his torn and tattered soul… But does he know that none but Naina can only heal him?

He looks out… the calm silent pleasing nature, in contrary to the storm that has built inside him some times back… the storm which will destroy him sooner than later…

Kal Mai Naina Ko ek sach Bata dunga… door kardunga use Apne ap se.. he thinks leaning to the window pane..

Kal se tum mujhse inti nafrat karogi Naina Ke tum Apne zindagi me Syed kisise kar pao.. kal Mai tumhe Aisa todunga k tum Apne aap Ko samet nahi paogi.. he smiles bitterly…

Lekin yeh bhi sach hai Naina k tumhe tut ta hua dekh ke Mai aur bhi toot jaunga.. Apne aap Ko kal phirse ek Baar marunga kal… usdin Naveen Ko marne ke Baad lash to ek Giri thi, maut do hua tha.. Apne atma Ko Kuchal Dia tha maine.. jee Raha tha bus Naveen Ko begunah sabit karne ke liye.. tumse Milne k Baad yeh mara hua atma jeene ke sapne dekhne Laga tha.. Lekin is nadan Ko kya pata ke isse sapne dekhne ka koi Haq nahi…

He breathes in… trying to accept the harsh reality his life has made him face… he closes his eyes… but can he just get rid of her just by closing his eyes?… the face which he has embossed in his heart...his soul.. no.. it's not that easy..

Lekin ek sach aur hai Naina Ko tum is Zindagi me kabhi Jaan nahi paogi… woh yeh k tumhara Rajveer sir pyaar karta hai tumse… bohat pyaar… itna pyaar k Syed tumhare jaane k Baad liya hua saans uska akhri ho…

Oh, love of mine
With a song and a whine
You're harsh and divine
Like truths and a lie

But the tale ends not here
I have nothing to fear
For my love is yell of giving and hold on

And the bright emptiness
In a room full of it
Is a cruel mistress
Whoa oh!

I feel this unrest
That nests all hollowness
For I have nowhere to go and I'm cold

And I feel so lonely yeah...
There's a better place than this
Emptiness

Tune mere Jaana kabhi nahi Jana….

Ishq mera Dard mera…

Aashiq tera bheed me khoya rehta hai…

Jane jaha….poocho to itna kehta hai……

That I feel so lonely…

There's a better place than this emptiness……

Rajveer, the iron man is crushed from inside.. Churned to particles.. and the man accepts all…silently... just because of the fact that he feels his love is forbidden..

But is it really so? Love doesn't understand any logic...any reasoning..any explanation… Love comes when you least expect it, and leaves you alone when you need it most..

Rajveer has accepted his fate… but has fate accepted his decision??

Only time can say….

………………….

End…….