Fearless~Hardzello

three

joe's pov

a few weeks passed since the incident on the fire escape. i tried to forget about it and ben seems to be getting less nervous around me as the days go by. he hangs around my post a lot and rami and him started getting closer too. his accent gets a lot of papers sold and his shy manner slips away every hour of being with me. he starts acting himself, more rowdy and mischievous. i'm not a rule breaker but his devilish smirk is making me change my ways. he'd grab my arm and pull me aside when i'm talking to rami.
"woah! what's the matter, ben?" i say when he yanks me to him.
"wanna get out of here? it's so damn hot!" ben exclaims. i want to so badly but if i leave my post, they'll take my money, and all my standing out here would have been for nothing. ben stares at me as he waits for my answer. i guess i don't have much to lose. it's only one time right? i roll my eyes and nod.
"fine.. let's go" i say. ben smiles brightly.
"awesome!" he says and pulls me with him down the sidewalk. his fingers still gripping onto my arm. i don't question it. i actually like it. we enter a store and ask the clerk for water. he gives it to us with a sympathetic smile.
"here you go, boys. how's the paper selling?" he asks. i sip the ice water in content.
"it's alright. tough since today's so hot" i say. he nods.
"i hear it'll be rainy tomorrow so you boys watch out. keep drinking water!" the clerk says. we nod and throw away the plastic cups and go back out to the scorching heat. my sweat sticks to my arms making my skin itch. sweat drips down from ben's temples, he's clearly not used to this type of weather.
"i have an idea. let's go" ben says. i have no choice but to follow him as he pulls me by the arm again. after a bit of walking, we stop in front of a building. it looks like a large tenement.
"what's this place?" i ask. ben smiles, two adorable dimples form in his cheeks.
"my home" ben says putting his hands on his hips and looking up at the charcoal colored building. i furrow my brows and look at him.
"what are we doing here?" i ask.
"oh you're not going to my home.. yet. i just wanted to show you it" ben says proudly. did he really take me all this way for nothing? i sigh in defeat. the heat creeping up my body. ben notices my disappointment.
"we can go to the roof. i tend to stay up there on hot days. it's cool" ben says offering an idea. i look at him a lightbulb going off in my head.
"sure! i'd love that" i say. ben grabs my hand and pulls me up the stairs. i let go knowing it would be strange to be seen holding hands with a boy in public. ben notices my action and frowns. i hope i didn't upset him, it's just for our safety. we make our way to the roof, my lungs heaving for air. we take a seat at the steps and catch our breaths.
"i hate stairs" i say. ben laughs.
"me too." ben stands up and walks to the doors leading to the roof. i follow him and my face is hit with a strong cool wind. it feels so nice. i sigh happily and lean against the wall feeling the breeze. ben smiles at me from a seat on the floor, his eyes squinting as the sun beats down on him. his golden blonde hair shines so brightly. i sit next to him our hands nearly touching. i think 'why not?' and tap his pinky finger with mine. he notices and looks down probably thinking it was a bug. he notices our hands are close and a blush creeps on his cheeks. the last time i saw him this nervous was at the fire escape. i leave it there waiting for him to do something but he just sits there looking at our hands just like at the fire escape. i find it harder to make a move in broad daylight rather than in the dark of the night. i sigh and move my hand back towards me and lie down on the floor bathing in the sun and breeze. ben follows suit and lies next to me his hands resting on his chest. i stare at the clouds watching them move slowly.
"joe.. can i say something?" ben asks. i turn my head to look at him.
"sure, ben. you can ask me anything" i say. he smiles and looks back up at the sky probably to avoid eye contact.
"have you ever.. liked boys?" ben asks, his voice filling the quiet air. i'm initially shocked by the question but i think about it.
"yes, i think so" i answer honestly. i'm sure i never liked boys until ben showed up. then things started getting complicated. "ben, can i tell you something?" i ask. he's looking in my eyes now and i fight the urge to look away.
"sure" he replies softly.
"i like you" i say. silence fills the space. my heart hammers in my chest. i'm terrified, no, petrified. what if he doesn't like me back? what if he tells people? what if they throw me into prison? god, i can't go to prison. a million thoughts race in my head. so many that i don't even notice ben's eyes go wide. his chest rising and falling rapidly, smile growing on his face, a truly genuinely happy smile. he's really happy. my thoughts are broken by ben's voice.
"r-really?" ben asks. i nod, too scared to say anything. "i-i thought you would say that." this makes me laugh. i'm smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. a huge burden is lifted off my chest, but another one forms. what if people find out? will rami be supportive? what about gwilym? my parents will never know. no one can know. i can't lose ben and i can't lose my life. i make a promise to myself that no matter what, i'm sticking to ben until the tides run out and until the sun stops shining. no matter what people say or do to us, we're going to stand up and show them who we are.
"so.. you like me too?" i ask. he giggles.
"yes, joe. i do" he replies. my heart pounds. i sit up, our smiles contagious at this point. he likes me! he likes me! he likes me! i stand up and start pacing the roof and jumping happily. i hope i'm not bothering anyone below. i feel giddy, adrenaline filling my body. ben's eyes follow me as i fly around the roof freaking out. i run and jump in his arms. he holds me tight so i don't fall.
"you really like me? you really do? god, ben, i'm so happy, you make me so happy. this makes me so happy!" i say. his smile is so wide, i think my heart is going to explode. he places his hands on my cheeks, rubbing his thumbs over them. i look into his crystal blue eyes, those gorgeous eyes. my mind thinks of nothing but ben. this is love. his face moves closer to mine and i feel myself shaking with adrenalin. he leans his head down slightly and presses his lips softly to mine. i want to scream in happiness. my insides turn to mush, my heart pounding feverishly. if i knew any better, i would think i was dying. we stay there for a few seconds and he pulls away. i stare at him nearly panting due to the butterflies in my stomach. he wipes happy tears from his eyes and pulls me into another hug. my arms wrap around his back and i hold him taking in every second of this moment. so this is what it feels like to be alive. truly alive.