It's almost 6:30 Friday January 25th 2019 and im just now adding part 4 lmao but yeah life hasn't been going in my favor. I was in a relationship for 17 months and it ended badly so since I'm on that topic ima just elaborate. Deja was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Woulda did anything for her and I'm pretty sure I did. Spent every moment I could with her I showed her parts of me no one else have seen. And I sacrificed my pride and my hurt for her and honestly she didn't ask me to but I made that decision so all the pain I put myself through that. I'm not gonna lie I miss her the late night FaceTime the going out every other day. The amazing sex the laughs even the arguments sometimes we wasn't perfect but I mean shit we was us. Somewhere along the line all the arguing and drama and bullshit she got tired of it I guess. I'm not perfect but I damn sure try hard and never give up. I'm stubborn I'm bipolar I have really bad anger issues and I get mad fast but I got more patience than any nigga in my generation. You ain't never experienced pain till you watch a female you're madly in love with turn you away. To tell you she don't feel the same way anymore. Until you've gotten on ya knees and begged for somebody to stay don't ever say you're devoted but shit I didn't know my worth cuz if I gotta beg then it wasn't meant for me cuz what's yours will always be yours . My trust issues is a bitch bc if her feelings could change than so could anybodies. I hate the fact that I feel so easily replaceable . I hate the fact that no matter how many girls tell me I'm fine and how they want me I'll never believe and know my worth Bc ppl say shit they never mean. Women love the idea of me. My good sides the loving caring spoiling and protective Jaden. The Jaden that pulls up on you at 3 am to work things out and make sure we good. The money getting Jaden that's taking care of shit and making them feel special. The counselor Jaden that's giving advice and always helping ppl through they problems. Don't nobody give a Fuck about the angry Jaden. The possessive and clingy and needy Jaden. The bipolar and passive aggressive and suffering in silence Jaden. People might claim they do but they don't Cuz soon as i get in my feelings I'm trippin. I get attached easy simply Bc every good thing I've had has been taken so when I find sum good I hold on to it until I can't anymore yeah I know it's not healthy but Fuck it. My coping mechanisms are very strange. Being that I' got a complex mind and I've been through a lot I think of millions of scenarios in my head for everybody and every situation just so I can prepare myself for the worst Bc I know the worst is gonna come. So if j can't get an explanation ima make one up. I'm not gonna lie I haven't really found a girl that make me feel like dej. Except for one but we gone get to that later. A lot of the girls I meet nowadays only wanna fuck me or use me to get over what they going through. I was at an all time low tbh Bc I feel like when it comes to relationships it ain't no hope for me. And if girls ain't stressful enough shit ain't even going right at home. I honestly hate how black house holds conduct themselves or mine at least. It hurts when you've been constantly neglected all ya life. 'I have a strong attachment to my mother Bc my father was never around but my mother acts like she hates me. I've been kicced out at least 10 times over petty shit. I hate school. And at this point I'm not even telling a story I'm just venting so let me get back to the story telling. After deja I never thought I'd meet another girl who'd make me that happy again. Boy was I fucking wrong LMAOO but like I said shit be temporary (idk wtf happened to the font). We gone call this girl B.S lmaooo yeah her initials is bullshit but nah on a serious note. Me and B had a vibe from the jump we both had been through a lot and we both saw a lot of pain but potential in eachother. The conversations were amazing and we just had a great connection I lma just be honest she made me feel better than I had did In a very long time . She made a nigga feel wanted and safe and like we had sum special. And who knows maybe we still do but anyways me being the young Casanova I am i asked B.s on a date and things went from there I took her to the movies I even met her pops. I thought things were amazing but idk you ever feel like you know when someone don't really fucc with you anymore? I kinda got that gut feeling afterwards and idk it's a sensitive subject to touch on and I'll never put her business out there so we just gone say for personal reasons we aren't together but who knows hopefully in the future we can get bacc to the vibe we had if not then Owell idk I guess I'll move on I still Fucc with her lmao shout out pucci But like I said in the beginning every good thing I have gets taken from me. I think the worse thing about this generation is that everybody been hurt at such a young age that when they find someone who wants to love them they scared to let em Bc of the past and it's like damn I'm the same way but I be out here tryna love like I never been hurt ofc I got trust issues but I still try. But with females. They will fuck with you until they get attached then falll back after you in love because they scared and I think it's selfish because they always give up on the good ones but see the good in the bad ones. Shit kills me son. But idk maybe I'm just in my feelings about it cuz I miss her lmao. 2019 hasn't been good to me tho so I mean it's just 2018 part 2. My karma sucks and I wish I had better for myself but I don't. I don't even know the moral of this shit but y'all been begging me to add more. So until next time . I love y'all and thanks for reading this
