I'm not weak (Deanxreader)

taking off

A/n: I will be doing some editing (To whoever is reading) I feel like I need to fix some things here and there. Sorry! Peace✌

~Deans P.O.V~

"Your sister would still be alive." I said, guilt washed over me

I immediately regretted those words coming out of my mouth. Why did I say that? I was just so angry that y/n didn't do anything to help Sammy, she promised to protect him. I promised y/n never to talk about her...

"DEAN!" Sam yelled at me

"You promised not to talk about her." y/n said, tears in her eyes.

My eyes widened a bit. I've never seen y/n cry, and knowing that I'm the reason that she's crying made me feel horrible. I tried to get near her, all I wanted to do was apologize and hug her. She didn't know, but I had a crush on her. I tried to push her away, hiding my crush for her, every time someone gets close to me they always die. Sam had told me before to tell her how I feel, to not wait before it was too late. But I had to it screw up.

"But I guess your right, I'm just unwanted baggage. You shouldn't be held with the responsibility of 'taking care of me'" y/n said, tears spilling out.

"Wait... y/n I'm sor-" I tried to put my hand on her shoulder, but she backed away, like my touch would burn her. Ouch

"Don't touch me" She said. Oh did that hurt, it hurt seeing her move away from me. I know I messed up big time.

"Please y/n/n I didn't mean to.." I tried to get to her again. 

"Don't...just don't..." Y/n said, her crying more visible.

Before I could do anything else she stormed off to her room. Crap. I shouldn't have brought up y/s/n... it was a touchy topic. I ran my fingers through my hair, wondering what I should do now.

"What the hell Dean?" Sam asked breaking the silence.

"I-I didn't mean to, I was just mad she didn't protect y-" I said before Sam cut me off.

"She did! It was my fault I got hurt! The lighter really wouldn't start and the ghost tried to attack her! It was my decision to jump in front of her. You would've known if you'd just let her talk..." Sam said, he sighed and walked over to his own room. Cas and I stood there quietly for a couple of minuets. I didn't see the whole story... she really was trying to protect Sammy...

"I will go check on y/n..." Cas said and left to her room. I went to the kitchen waiting for Cas to hopefully come back with y/n. But right now, I'll drink some of my problems away.

~Your P.O.V~

You heard a knock on the door, you wiped whatever left of tears you had on your face and stood up. You were packing up your bags. You were planning on leaving at night. You had enough. This was the last straw. Then you heard a knock at the door.

"Go away..." You said trying to make your voice sound tough, but failed miserably

"y/n? It's Castiel, may I come in?" Castiel's muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

You thought for a second. "Come in..." You said cautiously.

"Are you okay, y/n?" Castiel asked closing the door behind him. 

"Other than having Dean basically calling me a failure and a burden to him? Yeah, just peachy." You said with sarcasm, your voice still unsteady from crying. 

"I'm sorry y/n, Dean did not mean it." Castiel said trying to comfort you. 

you scoffed, "Cas, all my life people have told me I'm too emotional, that I'm just a screw-up, weak. I thought that joining you guys might change that, but it's the same thing over and over again 'you're just gonna stay be their shadows' 'You'll never be as strong as them'." You said, wiping away a stray tear while sitting on your bed. 'stupid' you thought.

"I wish I can do something about that..." Castiel said sitting next to you putting a hand on your shoulder, you leaned in a little closer. Then an idea popped into your head. 

"I think you can do something." You said with a faint smile. Cas tilted his head in confusion.

"Cas, I was planning on taking off for a while, to prove to Dean and Sam that I'm worth it. I'll train as hard as I can, and get rid of this pity towards the monsters we fight.." You muttered the last part, but it seems that Cas caught the words. 

"Why would you get rid of that? It is a part of you is it not?" Cas said and tilted his head again. 

You laughed a little "As much as I hate to say it, Dean's right. I shouldn't be attached to everyone I meet, I'm too nice." You said with a scoff.

"Don't listen to Dean, you can stay here and train with them. He was just upset" Castiel said. 

"No, I don't want to train with them, I'm tired of all the fights me and Dean get into. And poor Sam has to listen to us bicker all the time." You said while getting up and packing up the rest of your things.

"Can you do me a favor, Cassie?" You only called him this when you needed his help. Or was really happy to see him. He didn't mind you calling him this. 

"Of course y/n/n, you're family" Castiel said getting up from your bed.

"Can you please use your angel magic and teleport me out of here? I was planning on leaving tonight, but I don't want another lecture from Dean and Sam's puppy eyes telling me not to leave." You said, he was about to protest when you cut him off. 

"Please, Cassie so I need to do this. So I can prove to Sam and Dean I can hunt just as well as they can. So I can prove it to myself." You pleaded with Cas.

He seemed to hesitate. 'God, please say something' you thought.

"where do you want to go?" He finally asked.