I'm not weak (Deanxreader)

Silent goodbyes

~In Paris, France~

In flash, you were both in Andy's living room, where he was sitting on his couch sipping on some coffee, watching T.V.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Andy yelled jumping up, putting his coffee down and grabbing his gun.

"My name is not Jesus. I'm Castiel, an angel of the lord." Castiel said while tilting his head.

"Wait... y/n?!" Andy said putting his gun down and walking up to you, giving you a big bear hug.

'God, I've missed these hugs' you thought smiling.

"Hey, Andy..." You said with a small smile.

"How have you been? You look the same! How are the- wait... have you been crying?" Andy said noticing your red, puffy eyes.

"It's not important. How have you been?" You asked trying to avoid his question.

"I've been fine, but don't avoid my question. Why were you crying? Did those boys do something to you?" He said, clearly getting angry. 

"Yes, well, no. I mean- it's a long story." You said running your hands through your hair. A nervous habit you have.

"Well, I've got time." He said bringing you to his couch.

You said your goodbyes to Castiel and gave him a hug. To your surprise, he actually hugged back. Tighter. You were gonna miss the baby in a trench coat.

"Goodbye y/n, I will miss you and your awful jokes and hugs." Castiel said, letting go of you. You laughed at his remark.

"My jokes aren't that awful! But I'll miss you too, Cassie. Promise you'll visit at least once in a while." You said kissing his cheek. He smiled and with the sound of wings, he was gone. You turned back at Andy. 

"So, tell me what's wrong. You don't just cry, y/n." Andy said. You sighed and began your story.

~back at the bunker~

Castiel reappeared into your room, leaving it and closing the door. When he turned around he saw Dean standing there.

"Is she okay?" Dean asked, crossing his arms.

"She is fine, y/n is sleeping." Castiel lied.

"Let me go see her." Dean said walking towards your room. But Cas stopped him.

"It's better to let her sleep. You can see her tomorrow morning." Castiel said, panicking on the inside.

"Okay, fine. Just tell that to Sammy before he punches me again. I'm going to bed" Dean said rubbing his bruised jaw.

"I will, goodnight Dean." Castiel said. Dean mumbled a goodnight back and Castiel went to go look for Sam.

~Time skip~

Dean couldn't sleep at all last night, he felt bad about what he said to you. He wanted to make things right. He got out of bed and went to your room.

"Y/n? Can I come in? I need to talk to you" Dean said knocking on your door. 

No answer

"Y/n, I'm sorry. Let me talk to you" Dean said knocking on your door again.

"I'm coming in y/n." Dean said, frustrated. He opened the door and to his surprise, you weren't there. He went out hoping to see you and Sam coming back from a jog, seeing that you would join him in jogs often. Sam was in the kitchen getting a bottle of water, slightly panting.

"Did y/n go on a jog with ya?" Dean asked Sam.

"No, isn't she in bed?" Sam asked looking at his brother weird. Panic started to settle in a little in Dean.

"No, she wasn't there when I tried to talk to her." Dean said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Maybe she's just in the shower or something." Sam said wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"No, she isn't in her bathroom either." Dean said.

"She has to be in the bunker still. I'll help you look for her." Sam said reassuring his brother.

They looked for you in every inch of the bunker, but no sign of you anywhere. They were freaking out.

"Where the hell could she be!?" Dean asked in desperation.

"I'll track her phone, she can't be that far." Sam said pulling out his laptop.

To his surprise, he found that your phone was in your room, so he went there. Hoping that there was a trace of where you have gone. He found it next to a note and your bracelet on your desk. His heart sank as he picked up the note and read it. 

"Dean! Get in here!" Sam yelled anger bubbling inside of him.

"What is it? Did you find her? Is she okay?" Dean asked as he rushed into your room.

"She's gone..." Sam said with anger and sadness showing in his eyes.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Dean said in annoyance.

"Read the damn note." Sam said, pushing the note onto Dean's chest and walked out of your room. 

       Hey Sam, Dean. I'm hoping you find this note before you send a search party out if you'd even do that. I'm not dead and sure as hell not kidnapped. I left on my own, I needed to clear my head. 

    Dean, you were right, I am just dead weight, I am just a weak and crappy hunter. But I'm not as emotional as you think I am, I've never told you how tired I was with all of this fighting between us. I never told you how awful it is for you to tell me every damn thing I mess up, I already have myself doing that so, why have someone else telling me something I already know? I'm leaving to prove to you I don't need you to tell me everything I mess up. I'll work harder, and be less 'attached to people'. I'll prove to you I'm not weak. 

   And Sam, I'm sorry to always have you in the middle of our arguments. You shouldn't have to hear us argue like an old married couple. It'd be best for me to leave. Don't worry about me, thanks for being there for me, I owe ya one. Just don't hate Dean, or I will somehow come back and whoop your ass. I'll come back, I could never forget about ya. You're like the brother I've never had. I'll always love my nerdy moose and teddy bear.

P.S, please don't look for me

                                                                                         - Y/n

'She really is gone....'