miracles

{six}

We're holding each other in the front row of the cathedral, cloaked in black. A veil covers my eyes, but I can see very clearly what is happening around me. The mourning of the fallen has begun. Or rather, the fifth day of doing so.

"Our coronation is tomorrow," Tobias whispers in my ear. "I suggest that we prepare later tonight after the funeral."

"I suggest you pay attention to the service," I snap. "These are your parents we're talking about, Tobias. I think it would be best if we let ourselves mourn a little longer."

He plants a kiss on my cheek, sealing the deal.

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the next day

We are both dressed in white, like we were on our wedding day. The cathedral has switched from black decorations to ones that match our outifts. Together we parade into the cathedral to the sound of a fanfare, and I take a seat on a nearby throne. The crown is placed on Tobias' head, and it has become official. We are the rulers of Eclaran.

Such a scary thing, isn't it? To suddenly be forced into a position you weren't even sure you wanted in the first place? And especially during times like these. It's simply nerve-racking. Nonetheless, we'll manage. We have to, after all.

Later that night as we're lying in bed, Tobias turns to me with a worried expression. "Are you frightened of what lies ahead?" he asks.

"A little," I respond. "And you?"

"About the same."

We stare up at the ceiling and wait as the night wears on.

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1778

Xavier, Beatrice, and Camille are running around like crazy monkeys in the gardens. But what can I say, they are children after all. Arthur, Antoinette, and Cecelia are indoors, most likely learning the alphabet from their tutor Millicent. She's had such a positive impact on the children, and I'm very happy to call her their governess and teacher.

I'm on the lawn, having a cup of tea with my mother. She's come once again to visit the children and not myself. But that's perfectly fine. I want to see her just as much as she wants to see me. Which is not at all.

We haven't spoken in four years, and have been desperately trying to make casual conversation. "How has motherhood been for you, my dear?" she asks.

"Your Majesty, I prefer," I snap. After all that she's put me through, it's about time I got the revenge I so desire.

"Of course, Your Majesty." She rolls her eyes. "Anyways, has motherhood been well?"

"Yes, of course. I find myself enjoying it very much."

Xavier rushes up to me, tears streaming down his face. "Mummy!" he exclaims. "Camille hit me as we were running."

I take my handkerchief and dab it under his eyes to remove the tears. "I'm sure it was an accident, darling," I say in a calm voice." I lift him onto my lap for the remainder of my time with my mother, who absolutely adores the children. "This is your grandmother Lady Esmerelda," I say.

Xavier waves shyly and turns his head towards me.

"He's a bit of a shy one."

"I can see that," Mother notes.

The rest of the time together, we don't talk much. But the other children come by to visit their grandmother, making her more than happy. I don't understand why she couldn't have treated me with the same tender love that she does with them.

One thing's for sure, though. I will not let her fool my children into loving her only to get their hearts broken.

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august 16th, 1778

Today is my 22nd birthday at last. I've made it this far into my career as queen, and now, it's time to celebrate. A huge ball is being held in my honor, and we have invited every member of the nobility that is in good standing with the palace. Of course, this does not include my mother, who was purposefully left out of this occasion.

The children are with their governess, most likely being put to bed right about now. At least, I hope they are. They've grown increasingly grumpy throughout the day, and they do not need to be awake any longer than absolutely necessary.

I'm seated at the head of the room on my throne, sipping on a glass of champagne as the night wears on. I'm surrounded by a few of my dearest friends from the court. Lady Helena and Lady Desiree are the daughters of my aunt and uncle, the Duke and Duchess of Serafina.

"Honestly, I don't know why men are so impatient nowadays," Lady Helena whispers in my ear. "I told Joseph that I don't wish to marry him straight away, and he can't seem to wrap his mind around it. He's simply too worried about how he'll look to the public."

"Maybe you should sit down and explain it thoroughly to him," Lady Desiree suggests. "As I've said before, a good conversation between partners never killed anyone." She downs the rest of her champagne just as a butler comes by to refill our glasses. "What do you think, Francoise? What should Helena do?"

"Huh?" I respond. 

"Were you paying attention at all?"

I shake my head no. My eyes are focused on Tobias, who is across the room speaking with a  young lady around my age. Desiree and Helena follow my eyes, seemingly shocked at what they see ahead. "My goodness, Francoise," Helena notes. "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing," I say. "There's nothing to do. Men will do what they want, with whomever they want. There's no way I can stop it."

I take my last sip of champagne before making my way towards the exit of the ballroom.

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"What the hell, Francoise!?" Tobias exclaims in the privacy of our room. "Why the hell would you leave a party that was made for you? How selfish, how ignorant of other people's feelings." He paces around nervously. "Bad publicity will surely be coming our way."

"That's what you're concerned about?" I snap. "Publicity? What about the fact that I saw you kissing the neck of another lady?"

He rolls his eyes. "Have you never heard of men having mistresses?"

"I have. But it is not the-"

"Catholic thing to do. I know that." He throws his current glass of champagne at the wall, shattering it. 

"You humiliate me." I can feel my eyes turning teary. The warm candlelight around slowly blurs to form one image. I have begun to cry. I turn on my heel and rush towards the back door of the palace, practically sprinting out of the building and into the gardens.

"Francoise!" Tobias calls from behind me. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Why should you care?" I spin around to see him awfully close to me. "You have a mistress to satisfy your needs now." And once again, I begin to run, eventually tossing my heels into the grass as I sprint into the early sunrise.