miracles

{eight}

june 1790

I watch out my window as my nine beautiful children run around the open fields. They are happy together, never leaving anyone behind. Not even their father, who refuses to visit them on the daily. He claims that he's far too busy to be with his family constantly and that it would simply be a burden to the country if he did so. 

I remember the year 1778 when our marriage began to fall apart. How I watched him plant kisses on another woman, and how he never stopped doing so until the day of her death last year. Over the years, we'd repaired a lot of what has been lost during that moment, but our love has never been the same.

I turn to him now and he gives me a slight smile. "I'm going to war in two days," he says. "It's why I haven't been spending much time with the children lately. If anything happens to me...I don't want them to mourn too hard." My smile fades as he speaks.

I watch a light go out in his eyes. "Tobias...hey, look at me," I urge. I take his hand in mine and press it to my lips. "Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise. You will be safe."

He nods his head, but I'm not quite sure that he believes it.

"Why don't we go outside for a bit and spend some time with the children? Maybe it will make you feel a bit better."

"That would be nice, darling."

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Running throughout the fields with the children and Tobias is the most freeing thing I've felt since I arrived at the palace sixteen years ago. The girls are playing with their dolls in the grass, while the boys are climbing trees and swinging from their branches like monkeys. "Be careful, Arthur, Winston, and Edgar!" I call to them. 

Two of my girls, Suzette and Angelica rush up to me. "Mummy!" Angelica calls. "Come, please teach us how to do archery. Father told us that you're very good at it, and we'd love to learn."

"Aren't you girls a bit young to learn such a thing?" I ask with a tilt of my head. "Although eleven and nine aren't that young, I suppose. Grab your siblings, we're going to all learn today!"

As we're running over to the archery targets in another section of the palace gardens, I notice that my eldest child Camille is staying back.

"Give me just a moment everyone," I call to the rest of the family as I approach her. "Camille, dearest? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she snaps. "Just a bit upset and worried is all."

"And why is that?" I take a seat in the fluffy grass, and she quickly follows suit. "Today is to be a fun one, a day without tears or sorrows."

"But I am full of sorrows, Mummy. I miss my twin."

Xavier. It will be seven years in December. I brush a lock of light brown hair behind her ear and give her a smile. "I'm sure Xavier wouldn't want you to still be mourning his loss after all these years, now would he?"

She shakes her head. 

"That isn't the only thing on your mind, is it?"

"My marriage, Mummy. I'm scared."

"Look at me, Camille." She turns towards me, tears streaming down her face from her brilliant green eyes. "You are beautiful and kind. Intelligent and exceptional. I have never known a man who has hated those qualities, as they're quite difficult to find in a young lady nowadays."

She smiles a bit. 

"You know, I was married when I was about your age. Just a few years older. I was eighteen, and I had to make a choice to get out of my circumstances. And while you may not have to make that specific of a choice, you still have one."

I'm shocked at the words coming from my mouth. A choice. I still have one, and I always have. As a woman in this day and age, not many of us can say that. "Why did you make the choice you did, Mummy?"

I sigh and rub my temples. "Your grandmother was an awful woman. She was abusive towards me after my father left to do business in another province. She treated me terribly, Camille. I had to get out of that situation. I'd attempted to escape multiple times. But the night of my family's annual Spring Ball, I somehow managed to catch your father's eye. That was the night everything changed. A betrothal request was made the very next day."

Camille's eyes widen, fascinated by the love story. "Do Father and you still love each other?" she asks, hesitant in doing so. "I've noticed for a while now that the two of you have been awfully distanced from each other."

"It never was that way until about twelve years ago. You and your brother were still very young. But to answer your question, I know that there's a part of him that still loves me. Maybe not in the same way he used to, but the love is still there. And I know for me, I still love and care for your father very, very much."

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two days later

The children and I are waiting at one of the side entrances to the palace as Tobias prepares to leave for war. It's still dark out, as it's still very early in the morning. Tobias turns to us after he assures his belongings have been packed, a saddened smile on his face. The light I thought he'd lost still remains, though. Duller, but still there.

One by one, in order from youngest to oldest, he hugs and kisses each one of the children as they say their goodbyes. When he reaches our eldest son Arthur, he takes his hand. "Son, you have so much happiness and joy ahead of you. Please, use it to the best of your abilities. Better than I ever could," he says. Arthur nods.

Tobias moves on to Beatrice, then Camille. Both of them are sobbing. And then, he reaches me.

He grazes my jawline with his hand. "Francoise, you are as radiant as a brilliant sun on a perfect summer's day," he says.

My eyes widen a bit. It's one of the first things he complimented me with when we first met. "Tobias...I-" My voice begins to break before I can finish my sentence. "I-"

"Shh...you don't need to say anything. Just..." He plants his lips onto mine. And this time, it's not quick and cold. But slow and passionate. Like the stars have aligned finally for the two of us after so long. It's everything I felt for him in the first years of our marriage coming back to life at this very moment.

It's a miracle.