I'll Get Over Her // A Melcinda AU

t.w.o

Long before Lucinda even got a girlfriend, there were hundreds of signs that I had a crush on her...

I remember one day she said I have an adorable laugh and it made my day... And when she first started talking about the crush she had on a girl, I really hoped it was me- and I knew it wasn't, but a girl can only dream.

Now looking back on everything, it should have been pretty obvious to myself that I had a crush on her. But at the time, I still convinced myself I was straight- now I don't even know what I am...

~

"I don't know anymore, Aphmau... I really want to be happy for her, but it's hard when I'm so jealous..." I groaned as I plopped onto my bed.

Ever since Aaron started dating Aphmau, we've become really good friends. She's practically a little sister to me at this point, except a lot more likable.

Anytime either of us was having mental breakdowns or we just needed tot all about things, we went to each other. At first, it was pretty awkward being that she's Katelyn's half-sister, but it also helped me figure some things out...

"You'll have to tell her eventually, Melissa. It's just going to tear you apart if you don't. Lucinda's a great person, she'll understand." She sat down at the foot of the bed, crossing her legs.

"But what if she doesn't understand? What if I ruin our friendship and freak her out? She's in love, I can't be the one ruining that for her, I'm her best friend, I'm supposed to support her, not ruin things," I rambled, I felt like this always happened, "I'm sorry, I keep ranting. How are you and Aaron?"

"Well... I'm fine, and he's fine. But the two of us haven't gotten to hang out at all since school started. It sucks ya know..." She sighed, now sprawled across the end of my bed.

"Yeah..." I groaned, "You know, I am his sister if you ever need me to yell at him I'm literally 20 feet away..."

She laughed, "You and I both know you'd do much more than yell at him."

I smiled, "You have no idea..."

~

That evening, I was scrolling through my notebook- a few years ago, I started writing down everything every time I was having a breakdown. It surprisingly helped a lot.

Of course l, I hid it. I don't know what I'd do if my parents found it.

I came across one towards the beginning of the book, I think it was from freshmen year.

Immediately, I cringed at my bad handwriting before reading on. As soon as I started reading, I felt the pain come back to me. The hurt, the tears, the pain...

3/28/15

It's been five months, three weeks, and two days since Lucinda and Katelyn started dating. And I've really been happy for her... Well, up until recently.

It's like as soon as they hit their five-month anniversary, I stopped mattering. I went from being the third wheel in literally every conversation to just being invisible...

It hurts. Like hell.

To have your best friend forget about you. To straight up stop acknowledging your presence...

It's like we only get to talk when Katelyn isn't around- and even then, the conversations are only about Katelyn. How amazing she is- how awesome it is to have someone to call you pretty, to cheer you up...

I remember when Lucinda used to be that person for me. I remember when I could talk to her about anything without having to be interrupted because something else was more important...

And I can't get this feeling out of my head...

It's like- jealousy?

But I can't tell anymore...

Am I jealous that I'm not getting her attention anymore? Am I really that selfish?

Or am I jealous that Katelyn's dating her- and I'm not...?

But I'm straight...

It has to be the first one, I'm straight, my parents will kill me if I'm not.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous...

No, I'm Melissa Lycan- straight as the closet door...

Right...?

God freshmen me was so dumb...

I ran my hand over the page, bumps were scattered around, most likely from tears.

It sucks though... Nothing has really changed since I wrote this.

Well, except for the fact that I'm sure I have a huge crush on her...