Survival of the Unfit

Chapter 25

April

I squeezed my eyes shut and held the wine a little too long in my mouth, feeling the fiery liquid burn my tongue, too scared to swallow. After a second I went for it and nearly gasped as the fire moved down my throat, but relaxed once it reached my stomach. It felt as warm as I remembered it. I checked the label. Nope, something different than what Brandy had. Whatever Violet had gotten me was fine though. Well deserved, since I didn’t expect it to be so busy on a Friday, but it was unwinding time. Bedroom door locked? Yep. Some music would go nice with this. Hey, why don’t I work on Levi’s CD?

Rolling off my bed I headed to the computer, grabbing the wine and setting it beside my desk while the monitor powered up. I dug out a blank CD from a drawer and popped it into the tower, taking another fiery sip. I thought about my parents in the next room and closed my eyes for a second. It’s not drugs. C’mon, it’s not drugs, and they aren’t going to find out. I opened my eyes and paused before taking another big sip.

This was late Friday night, at about 10. My parents didn’t question why I picked up another shift and were already in bed when I came home, so sneaking it up to my room was no problem (even though I could use my ladder). I’d patrol later if I felt up to it, since I was pretty tired. I’d probably just leave it to Levi for a night.

I started to browse my music library and began compiling songs, listening to them through headphones and drinking all the while. I had a sense of tranquility as I worked that had been absent for a very long time, ever since moving to Rushwood actually. It was ignorant bliss, and I appreciated it beyond belief. Perhaps I should text him to let him know that I wouldn’t be out tonight? Nah. He can handle it.

So at about 11 I was decently intoxicated and had finished the CD, shoving the cork back on the bottle and hiding it in my closet, waiting for the CD to stop burning before putting it in its paper sleeve, vision blurry. I had my pen poised over the back to start writing titles, but figured it’d be wiser to save the writing for tomorrow.

I collapsed into bed after that and fell asleep not long after, not leaving time to ponder any of my problems for once. No worrying about the price on my forehead. No worrying about dying. No worrying about sneaking into the house quietly later tonight. No worrying about Levi, or even attempting to sort out what I felt/thought about him. He was attractive though, oh man. Haha. He was pretty hot, Violet. I wonder what being bisexual is like. Are girls good mates? I don’t know. Like I still didn’t think I’d date one, but there are just really pretty girls that exist. Maybe I just wanted to be them, not necessarily with them. Guys are wonderful things too. Muscles…and arms…arms, arms man. Arms and v-lines. Arms and v-lines and blue eyes. Arms, v-lines, blue eyes, and dark hair. Ah. Nice.

I woke up 12 hours later with a pounding headache and bad breath, since I didn’t brush my teeth the night before and my mouth reeked like stale alcohol. Stumbling to the bathroom, I turned on the shower and hopped into it, cold. When did I work? 6. Okay. Oh man, did I feel out of it.

But after some time I was able to wake myself up and do downstairs, have some late breakfast. Mom asked me what I had been doing in my room all night, I just told her I was surfing the internet. She accepted my excuse without any question and wondered if I would go grocery shopping with her.

So in retrospect it was a mostly normal Saturday, and I was partially dreading work come the evening. I did my homework, helped Dad and Mom cook up an early dinner, relaxed and felt almost…out of place. Like life wasn’t supposed to be so normal on the Saturday, but it was. I shouldn’t complain; it was nice to stop thinking about death. Almost a whole 24 hours of not thinking about dying? Man, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. I just wished it felt more normal.