"I'm home," Sowon announced to no one in particular as she dropped her school bag to the ground and kicked it across the room.
Despite her bitter mood, when she heard the sound of her puppy's nails hitting across the hard wood floor as she excitedly ran to welcome her owner home, she couldn't help but smile.
She let out a sigh as she dropped to the ground, letting Yun jump up on her lap. At least there was one constant thing she could rely on in her life; Yun being there to welcome her and always loving her, no matter how terrible of a person she felt she was. To Yun, Sowon was the creator of all things good and pure and joyous.
Sowon told herself she would start on her homework as soon as she got home, but as she went upstairs to her bedroom, her body felt so heavy, her mind felt so clouded and foggy. She didn't remember the moment she decided she would sit on her bed, her body seemed to lead her there without her knowing. She didn't remember making the decision to lay down, and as Yun curled up next to her body, giving her warmth and some peace of mind, she certainly didn't remember making the decision to close her eyes.
Sowon dreamed of one of her favorite memories. She dreamed of a time when her family was happy, something that seemed so distant and foreign to her now that it barely felt like a memory, just something fabricated by her lonely mind.
"Daddy, daddy," the young girl called out, tugging on the man's arm sleeve.
He looked down at her with a smile. "Hm?"
"Can we go on that ride?" She pleaded, staring straight into her father's eyes with the most pitiful look she could muster. Even at a young age, Sowon knew that the man that towered above her was nothing but a softy.
Her father sighed and slumped his shoulders. He never liked amusement parks or any kind of rides. He didn't like heights, drops, or spinning. The fact that Sowon had even convinced him to step foot into the amusement park gates was quite the feat. "Wouldn't you like to go on the train?" He tried to bribe.
Sowon shook her head, her pigtails flying back and forth. "We've been on that four times already! I wanna go on that," she pointed up to her desired ride. It wasn't even close to being an intimidating ride as far as Sowon was concerned. It was just swings that spun around. It didn't go fast, it didn't seem that high, and there was no drops. She thought her dad would be able to handle that at least. So far, she had been trying to spare him of the more intense rides.
Her dad finally relented. "Alright, lets go."
Sowon squealed in excitement and jumped up and down as she ran towards the line. She was just barely tall enough to be allowed on the ride, her high pigtails helping her get just over the requirement.
As they waited for their turn in line, Sowon's father almost forgot about how sick the thought of going on that swing was making him, much too caught up in his little girl's wide smile and bright eyes as she peered up at the bright flashing lights around her, pink, blues, and yellows reflecting off of her eyes.
He almost forgot about his nerves until he realized he was being strapped into a seat.
"Ready?" The park attendant asked Sowon, who nodded excitedly in response. It was all her father, Baek Hanbin, could do not to scream to let him off this ride, but as Sowon wrapped her arms around him and grinned widely at him, he knew he had to get through this ride, at least once.
Screams erupted through the air as the ride began to pick up pace; delighted squeals of excitement sounding from Sowon, and horrified shrieks sounding from her father. Hanbin could've sworn he was going to lose the contents of his stomach if the ride continued much longer. He couldn't stop thinking of the possibility that the ride could malfunction and they would be stuck up there for hours, or maybe the chains that had them suspended in the air would snap, causing the two to hurtle to their death. It wasn't likely that either of those things would happen, but that didn't stop the thoughts from plaguing his mind.
Sowon didn't notice the paleness of her Dad's skin, or the way he swayed ever so slightly, as if he might pass out at any second. She was too caught up in the blur of the bright lights down below as she flew threw the air, the wind blowing her long hair back. She giggled as she threw her arms up in excitement. She also didn't notice the way her father looked at her. Though he still felt sick, he looked at her with a smile on his face, fondness for his daughter overwhelming his heart and making his chest ache. In that moment, he knew he'd do anything and everything for his precious child, his heart, his world.
Sowon could feel his love and devotion through all of the things he did for her. As she woke from her pleasant dream, she couldn't help wondering what went wrong.
She wished she hadn't woken up because it doesn't take long for her to hear her parents arguing downstairs.
Though she tried her hardest, Sowon struggled to concentrate on her studies. It was difficult with thoughts of her unhappy family, and the girl from the bus this morning on her mind. She read over the same sentence at least ten times before she finally threw off her reading glasses and slammed them on her study desk.
She felt suffocated by the four walls of her room, though it was anything but small. Her body made the decision to go out for fresh air before her mind did. As she descended from the staircase to walk out of the door, she couldn't stop herself from listening to what her parents had been arguing over for the past hour.
"I just want our family to go back to the way it was when we were happy," Hanbin sighed out.
"That's funny, because I don't remember a time when our family was happy," Minsoo, Sowon's mother retorted. Sowon felt her breath get caught in her throat at her mothers words. She could very easily remember the time her father spoke of, it was a time she often wished she could return to. Why couldn't her mother remember that time as well as she could? Is it possible that there was more going on than the younger version of herself had realized? Had her family never been happy? Was it her fault?
The feelings rising up in Sowon's chest became too much to contain in her body, and as she ran out the door, slamming it behind her, she could feel tears stinging her eyes and quickly flowing down her cheeks.
The harsh winter winds seemed to have been waiting outside of the house to bite at Sowon's bare skin as soon as she walked out. Sowon quickly wraps her arms around her small frame, wishing she had thought to wear a coat, but not badly enough to actually go back inside and get one. The last thing she wanted to do at this moment was go back inside.
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