Wolfsbane

What's in a Name?

            

Narcissa and Bellatrix arrived a few days after they owled they would be coming, followed the next day by Elias, and Severus by the end of the week. The six of us spent the next three days going through the ledger, and trying to find a name that would suit me. We were sitting in Mr. Malfoy's study, minus Severus, crossing names off our list.

"Hey, what do you think of Winters? It hasn't been used in the last two hundred years, the name itself died out with the last heir, who happened to be female." I scrunched my nose at Bella's suggestion. When she gave me a slight glare, having refuted her selection, I felt the need to defend my refusal.

"Phoenix Winters? I don't believe it would suit me. Forgive me Bella." She shook her head and crossed the name off her list of suggestions. This pattern continued for several hours, my friends selecting names, and I refusing them. I began to wonder if I would ever find something suitable. I suppose half the problem is myself. If I were to just let go of my attachment to my family's name, this would be easier. I warred with myself internally for several minutes, as the others continued to rattle off names. When we were about to give up hope for the day, Severus came bursting into the room with a ripped piece of parchment in his hand with a single word on it. He slapped it down on the table in front of me, and then hunched over the desk as he tried to catch his breath. I leaned over enough that I could see the word scrawled on the parchment, and snorted at it in dismissal.

"Wolfsbane? Severus, I know you like your potions, but this is hardly the time for light homework." He shook his head rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. Lucius had rolled his eyes at why I had owled him at all, and I told him that Severus had been a true friend my first year, just as he had. Lucius had agreed to tolerate his presence, though he seemed perturbed by Severus' existence at all. I knew it had to do with the fact that Severus was a half-blood, but blood simply lost its meaning the moment I had been placed in Slytherin. If blood had mattered, the damn hat would've put me in Gryffindor like the rest of my family. My thoughts, cluttered as they were, had given Severus the time to regulate his breathing enough so that he could speak.

"Yes, it is a potion. But I think it's quite fitting-" he sat down beside me, and then pulled the parchment closer to himself "-it's ingredients are some of the most expensive a wizard can buy, it is notoriously difficult to brew, and it's created to treat symptoms of lycanthropy, an undesired changing of the mind and body." After Severus' quick explanation, Elias wrote it down, and then flipped through the ledger.

"The name is completely unused, which I would assume to begin with simply because the potion was only created in the last year or so. Damocles is a bit of a genius in his field, and the potion itself is one that requires an immensely steady hand and knack for potions. Phoenix Wolfsbane. What do you all think?" Narcissa clapped her hands together, and she let out a high-pitched noise that startled me.

"I think that sounds marvelous! Phoenix Wolfsbane. Oh, Phoenix, you should become a werewolf hunter and it would be even more fitting!" I looked around the table to see smiling faces, even Bella and Lucius' lips had curled up at the corners. I found I was outnumbered, and as hesitant as I was to make a decision, it seemed it was made for me. I took one last look, and the certainty on Severus and Elias' faces started to fall. I smiled gently at the two most steadfast people I had met, and nodded.

"I suppose it does have a nice ring to it. Phoenix Avalon Wolfsbane. I'll need to collect the right papers and send them to the ministry in order to finalize everything." Lucius produced a handful of papers from his pocket and handed them to me.

"Simply fill in the blanks Phoenix. As long as you're sure about this, I can send them with my father tomorrow, and your approval should be back within the week." I took the papers, and looked them over, seeing the forms themselves would be fairly easy to fill out. I reached for my quill to begin writing, and set it down before the ink could mark the page. I looked to the smiling faces of my companions, and cleared my throat at how uncomfortable I felt.

"Could I have a moment? I just-I need to think before I fill this out." They all nodded and stood to leave the room. All except Elias. He stayed where he was, watching as the others filtered out of the study, presumably to either wait in the hall or the sitting room. Once the door had closed behind them, he turned to me.

"I know this is scary. It's alright to be afraid Phoenix, but I, as well as the others, believe this is the right choice." I felt my stomach convulse at the certainty in his voice. How can all of you be so sure, when I'm so unsure?

"How can you be so positive that it is? If I do this, if I change my name, I will be completely removed from my family. What if-what if my parents want me back? If I do this, I'll be severing them from me forever. Elias, I-I don't know if I can do that." I looked down, afraid of what his eyes might show me. Disappointment. I could feel hot tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, and I wanted to scream at how weak I felt. A few dripped down onto the parchment before me, and I wiped at my eyes furiously. Elias stood from his seat, and moved to the other side of the table to sit beside me. His arms wrapped around me, and pulled me into a solid chest.

"It's alright. Shush, it's alright Phoenix. It's alright to be hurt, and angry, and whatever else you might be feeling. If any of us were in your position, I promise we would all feel this way too. Listen to me, you don't have to decide now. You don't. Whenever you feel ready to fill the papers out, do so. Only you can decide this, the rest of us can merely share our opinion. Alright? Alright, I'm going to go and wait with the others. If you need us, I'm sure we'll be in the sitting room." I nodded as Elias patted me on the head a few times and got up to leave. Before he reached the door, I called out to him. He turned, a smile on his face.

"Elias, if I decide not to-do you think it will change things with my family?" His smile fell at the corners. He contemplated for several moments before replying.

"Your parents made their decision, and made it very publicly. I would doubt them changing their minds, but it is a possibility. Don't let that sway your choice though. Remember what I said about the sorting hat? Well, make this decision like that one. Let it choose you, not you choose it." He left after that, and I was left more confused than before. I stared at the papers, and the slightly crinkled circles that dotted the page from my tears. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, before raising my quill to fill the forms out. I had forgone telling the others that I had filled the papers out. After glossing over them to make sure I hadn't missed any of the spaces or places for signatures, I took them to Mr. Malfoy to look them over. He took them with a kind smile, and glanced over them. He pointed out several spots that I had mucked up, and he vanished the writing so that I may try again. Once I had filled them out to standard, with Mr. Malfoy's help this time, he carefully tucked them into his suit pocket to take with him to the Ministry.

"Phoenix. You are, quite sure about this? If you submit this change, it cannot be unmade." I paused before leaving the room. It's permanent. It's permanent. It's permanent. I turned back around, and nodded my head.

"I'm sure Mr. Malfoy. I think-no, I need to do this. My parents made this decision for me the moment they decided to write that howler, and intended for me to open it on the platform for the whole of the wizarding community to know of my disgrace. I refuse to-to allow them to have any hold over me now. My family is my house, and that will have to be enough." Mr. Malfoy gave me the softest smile I had ever seen on his face, and I wondered where that emotion had come from. He had always been so stern, and commanding, yet at this moment, he looked like a doting father.

"Very well. I will take them with me and submit them for you tomorrow. I expect you'll receive the approval you're looking for within the next week." I nodded, and disappeared out the door to locate my friends.