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Waves of wind swept through Zarinna as she made her way towards the store, sending a shiver down her spine with each step. The skies threatened rain and she needed to buy supplies before the travel. Entering the building, she felt her heart race as she saw familiar faces coming her way. Oh no. She looked away. Not today. Not them. She swallowed, head lowered in hopes of concealing her face.
"Hey, Zarinna!"
Her lids squeezed shut, then fluttered open, meeting the woman's gaze as she raised her head.With one glance Zarinna knew - this wasn't gonna be a good conversation.
"Uh, hey Clara," Zarinna greeted back.
"So, it's been a while. How are you doing so far?" Clara asked, uncertainty gleaming in her eyes.
"Uhm, I'm doing fine. How 'bout you guys?"
"Ah, same old-same old. I really feel bad about what happened to you ... I-"
"I know right," Lauren spoke up, "Who would've thought? The most respected 'Worship Leader' in the church fell for a-"
"Shh," Clara brought a finger to her lips.
Zarinna felt her cheek burn in embarrassment - and anger. For a moment she couldn't say anything but stare at the women she once considered as sisters in faith.
"-a married man." Zarinna finished Lauren's sentence, her voice trembling. The two looked at her wide-eyed. "I know. Disappointing, huh? I'm sorry for the shame I brought on your Church. I know I won't be able to erase the stain I've placed on its good reputation."
"It's no-"
"Don't worry," Zarinna continued to speak, "I would do you the favor of never coming back."
At this point, Zarinna couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She quickly looked away and began to walk. Guilt immediately took hold of her. Why did I have to talk back? They're right to feel that way. I'm a shame.
She regretted her words, but deep inside, she felt pain squeeze her heart.
Didn't I love them? I held them so dear to me. Wasn't I the one who spoke to Clara for years? Sharing the gospel to her until she came to the Lord? Hadn't I seen all her sins before and yet still loved her? Why does she despise me so much now?
She wiped the tears from her cheeks, nodding as understanding filled her. Yes. She sinned greatly when she wasn't saved, I sinned greatly while I was already saved - when I knew exactly what sin was and still did it.
Zarinna couldn't walk any further. She came to a halt, guilt and pain writhing all over her being. Oh God! Oh God ... is there mercy for me?
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