How We Unravel

Thirteen

Thirteen: Yellow Paint

Nanghihina akong nagpaalam sa manager ko para umalis nang maaga. I wasn't really feeling well today and I know I'm gonna faint anytime. My vision was starting to double that I have to blink numerous times just to get a grip.

I knew that Art would be waiting for me at the lobby, pero nang makita ko siya ay napairap pa rin ako. He looks... different. Pale, like blood was sucked out of his face. Just like me, except mine was covered in lipstick and concealer. Guess the rain took its toll on us.

Nevertheless, he still managed to flash a smile when he finally saw me. Tumayo siya at nagsimulang maglakad palapit sa akin, but I didn't wait for him to reach me, tumalikod na agad ako at nagsimulang maglakad palayo.

Still, I was anticipating him behind me even if we're already out of the building.

"What do you want?" I almost whispered when he finally caught up, almost out of breath.

Pero imbes na sagutin ako, I just felt his grip on my wrist. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad dahil doon at halos matumba sa sobrang panghihina.

He looked at the scars and he furrowed his brows. Marahas kong binawi ang kamay ko gamit ang natitirang lakas na mayroon ako.

"What do you want?" Tanong kong muli.

"Beth, kung ano man ang pinaplano mo, 'wag."

It was my turn to furrow my brows.

"I know the symptoms. I wanna believe that you're finally okay, but I know it takes time. Sa ilang araw na kasama kita, lagi kang mayroong bagong sugat sa pulso. Laging may dumudugo, pero ngayon, halos pagaling na lahat. 'Yung mga mata mo... gusto kong makitang maaliwalas ito pero ngayon, natatakot ako."

"Anong pinagsasasabi mo?" I breathed.

"The moment a suicidal person stops showing symptoms of sadness, the moment they stop reaching out, is the moment they finally find peace," pinikit niya ang mga mata nang mariin. "That's the most dangerous thing about it: people around them—they mistake it for healing. They only care when they see the pain, but when there's none, they stop checking in. But the truth is, that's the final symptom."

Holy shit.

"But," he continued. "death is not peace, Midnight."

Bahagya akong napaatras. The sound of it in his mouth gave a bitter taste in my tongue. I didn't realize that someone could pay much attention on me to even know what was going through in my head.

But who was I to judge? He saw these symptoms in his ex, he knows.

On the other hand, "who are you to tell me what to do?"

Huminga siya nang malalim at hinilot ang sentido niya. "Okay, hindi ako mangingialam kung gusto mong sarilihin ang desisyon na 'yan," he raised his arms up in the air. "Pero pwede mo ba kong bigyan ng isang linggo? Isang linggo lang para iparamdam sa 'yo ang nararamdaman ko. Ayokong mapunta lang ito lahat sa wala."

"If you're... if you're asking that so as to change my mind, then no, maayos ako, hindi mo kailangang mag-alala," I lied. I blinked again because I was starting to lose my sense of sight.