How We Unravel

Seventeen

Seventeen: midnight beauty

I was smiling stupidly while looking at the tattoo on my wrist. It was a simple tattoo of the sun to remind me of the beautiful scenery I witnessed up above the clouds.

And Art, hindi siya nagpatalo. He also had his own tattoo of the moon, nag-mukha tuloy couple tattoos ang suot namin.

"Gaya gaya ka naman," panunukso ko sa kan'ya.

He grinned like a little boy and licked his bottom lip. "Para sweet."

I thought the spontaneity of all these is already over, pero nagulat na lang ako nang makita ang bus ticket na binili niya nang makarating kami sa bus terminal. The place was jam-packed by many tourists, all of them trying to get a bus going back to Manila.

"San Juan?" I furrowed my brows at him while holding the ticket.

"Wala na raw ticket pabalik sa Manila eh," he grabbed a bottle of water from his backpack and drank from it. "Punta na lang muna tayong La Union."

The corner of my lips rose up in amusement.

"Hindi ba sa 'yo usong magplano?" Naiiling kong sambit. "Baka mamaya bigla ka na lang magbook papuntang Japan."

He nodded like I just gave him an idea. "Gusto mo ba? Pag-ipunan ko muna ha."

I chuckled. He's impossible. He offered the bottle of water to me na siyang ininuman ko naman. We still have an hour to kill so we decided to go to the nearby mall to buy things we'd need, especially because I no longer have a clean underwear. Baliw kasi 'to, but then again, I love his spontaneity. He proves that unplanned adventures are usually the best; because it brings no expectations. And the comfort of his company made me feel safe regardless of where we are.

To be honest, I'm starting to realize that I was slowly conquering my fear of the unknown. He was changing everything around me.

After the past days spending with him, nagising na lang ako na wala na sa isip ang planong matagal kong pinag-isipan. And he wasn't even trying to change my mind. He's just being... him.

And I am so fucking confused. A part of me wants him to run away from me but another part of me wants him to stay... to be with me while I figure things out.

I am a walking contradiction.

Or maybe I just want to know if he really will stay, so I keep myself in-denial so that when the time comes that he realizes how toxic I am and leaves, I won't be disappointed.

Ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na rin alam ang gagawin. I tried to warn him but he keeps knocking on my door. Huminga ako nang malalim and I just forced myself to just live in the moment, for now.

I bought a two-piece bikini and a cover-up while he went to the men's section. After grabbing the necessities, we ate lunch in a fast-food chain, then we were back on the road. I forced myself to sleep on the way at nagising na lang ako nang tumigil ang bus sa La Union. Kumakagat na ang lamig ng hapon sa paligid nang makababa kami sa bus.

Again, this is a place I've never been to.

Lumaki ang ngiti ko habang naglalakad kami sa daan, ang lumalakas na alon ay parang malayong musika sa aking tainga. Binagalan ko ang paglalakad para mapagmasdan si Art na nakahawak sa kan'yang backpack, and I had a glimpse of his semi-colon tattoo again. I gulped when I felt the drumming of my heart against my chest, but I chose to ignore it.