Sad Tragedy

Tragic Beginnings

  I don't know when or how it became a habit of me saying the two words "sad tragedy" but I guess it all started before school closed for the fall/winter holidays last year.

  In the first months of me using and saying the words, I found it funny to say the most because most times I said these words, my friends just don't get it and their face would just display an absolute sense of loss and confusion amid my relentless laughter at their expression.

  While it might have been funny to me at least, for the first months, it slowly grew on me and became a rather deathly habit because I just can't help saying it every time circumstance present me with the chance to say it. Nevertheless, instead of trying to get this newly minted habit out of my head, I kinda grew onto it and made it a point to continue the trend, simply making things that were already bad worse to a point of no return.

  Although I only vaguely meant or meant nothing when I say those two words, the accumulation of such profound proclamations I've inducted over the span of three months has found a way to root a precedent in my life, making what was already a life in misery a worse and really tragic one as meant literally by the two words.

  It was one day from the commencement of a new school year where we would be sitting for an examination that will decide the fate of my life — whether I get to enrol into a course I have a burning passion for or a course which might make or break my future, and all of which is decided by a series of numbers that make up a grade. In short, my future and its path held in the palm of my hands is determined by a number.

  While it would be nice of me to get a single digit for the examination, fate has never occurred to even think in any way possible to give me what I want, regardless of whether if it is good grades, pleasant friendship or love.

  Speaking about love and friendship, I am not in a particularly great part of the 21st century world to spark a relationship for or with someone even if it has been considered a fundamental human right to love anyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity by majority of the mainstream Western society for a little over a decade. While I understand most, if not the entirety of the Eastern society is still closed, conservative and culturally-mindful, it is still deserving of them as a human being to respect others and not instigate a major outcry, not just to a particular individual, but to penetrate their ideologies and mindset into the already closed off society of the Eastern world.

  Night falls. As I turn down for bed, and a not-so-good night rest given it's already four in the early hours of the morning, I shuttered my eyes in misery, contemplating about how my final year would be and how, besides not being able to get into somewhere or some course I aspire to be in, concluding my life in sad tragedy.