Erotic Book Club {E.B.C} 2018

January 19th - Feedback

Written in the Stars is a sweet story of lifelong best friends turned lovers. It is very lighthearted and fun, with very good editing. My suggestions to improve the story is first, the pacing. The beginning is a bit slow. While the family is awesome, I would rather that be cut back and perhaps give us more of the time lapsed over say, after the first hook up when they decide to explore a romantic relationship. I didn't realize so much time had been skipped until recently. I'm also still waiting for some conflict to arise.

The two authors meld so well that it wasn't noticeable that there are two different people writing, until the most recently posted chapters. There seemed to be a disconnect between Liv and Jay's chapters that weren't noticeable before now. I will say that a small pet peeve of mine and a big turn off for me personally, is when a man is said to moan. To me, a moan is a feminine sex sound. Masculine sounds would be grunts, growls, groans. You can take that or leave it, but my suggestion is to change it. Also, I was really rather surprised by the change in Nate's character. The way he was acting in the most recent update seems to be way out of character from what we've seen of him and a little bit forced. I did enjoy the steaminess of the final chapter 17, but it was hard to imagine Nate as the aggressive dom. I honestly didn't have much of a critique for you two until you posted the last few chapters.

I was pretty surprised by that whole situation as the story was one way and now it seems like it's heading it an entirely new direction. Not sure if that's good or bad lol. I will keep reading to find out as I have really enjoyed the story thus far. I think you're both talented writers, and truly love the relationship between Nessa and Nate. It's refreshing. Keep going you two. Can't wait to see how it all comes together.

~Clarity

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Overall, I enjoyed reading the story. I've read everything you published so far. I loved the interactions between Vannessa and Nate, be it as best friends or as lovers. How you not only drew their character's, but also the rest of the families' was great. It did take me a while to get into the story though. The pacing was something that put me off a little. I almost stopped reading after chapter four. While the details about their families were nice, it was too much in my opinion. And then, after they crossed that line, in the next chapter, it's somehow been a couple of months since they did that. I really wonder how those first months were for them. Did they tell their families? How did the two of them cope with the change in their relationship? Was it really the same, just that they shared a bed at night? And while it has been running smoothly – mostly – up to this point, I'm kind of waiting for the hint of drama now.

I usually like the use of multimedia, but it was a little hard to read on the phone. It's a little better on the computer, but I usually use the app to read. And I have to admit, I wasn't sure about that first chat. It wasn't 100% obvious who was talking to who. At first, I thought it was his sister as I honestly didn't give the usernames much thought.

I like that you use both MC's POVs. And while it becomes clear after a few sentences of a chapter, I think you should indicate whose POV it is. I was a little confused when it changed to Vanessa's POV all of a sudden.

There were a few grammar issues, and there was more telling than showing in some parts, but overall, the writing was good. I will definitely read on to see how their journey continues because some lighthearted, cute romance is exactly my cup of tea ;)

P.S.: I'm adding this after I read chapters 16 and 17. Here it became a little more obvious that there are two authors. The picture I had of Nate made some things a little implausible, and I honestly cringed at a few things he said, but only because it seemed a little out of character. That whole dom-thing came too much out of nowhere. And there was way too much 'I felt'. Show, don't tell. Overall, I liked her POV better, but I can't pinpoint why exactly.