Is It You?

Chapter 11

Ashley

I stared at myself in the mirror alone, finally. I didn't want to look this way today, but I had to for Domo; although he keeps saying to wear whatever I feel comfortable with. This is way of apologizing for snapping on him, but personally I feel imprisoned in these clothes. Yes I look attractive in them, but it's just not something I want to wear constantly. It's not who I am, I don't want to have to change who I am at heart just to satisfy Domo. I didn't have to change for Ar'iah, she accepted me for who I was and am.

I turned around from the mirror and looked at the door after hearing a knock on my opened door. "Are you ready?" Trey asked with a small smile and I smiled. "I wish I was, I've waited so long for this day. But it's like all of my plans for after have vanished, making this whole experience not as important and meaningful for me." I said and he chuckled. "Let's not focus on the bad, let's focus on the fact that you don't have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn anymore. Let's focus on the fact that you made it, which a lot of people didn't." He said and I nodded.

"I'm trying, but you don't know how much I want to experience this with Ar'iah. I love her so much Trey, and I can't have her. I can't even talk about it because Tierra has her own shit, you have your own shit, I can't talk to Domo about it because he already has his own insecurities about today and concerning her regardless, and my mom will comfort me but still make it clear that I brought this upon myself and that's not what I need to hear right now. I just need someone to listen and not judge me, and there's no one. Corey is too immature to really understand what it means to lose the person you love and really be heartbroken. He's still into being a male hoe, and that's not what I want to be." I said starting to cry.

"You can always talk to me, I never have too much going on to the point where you can't come to me. If you're talking about Tierra, what's new about that? It's not good for you or for the baby to be stressed and have these feelings pint up. You can't repress your feelings for the sake of everyone else, I don't care if it's for Domo. Do you even want to be with him?" He asked now hugging me to comfort me.

"Yes, no, maybe...I don't know. I just know that I do love him, but my love for Ar'iah overshadows my love for him so much that I always forget that I love him whenever I'm near her. He doesn't cross my mind, not even for a second and I hate myself for it. I don't want to hurt him Trey, if I leave him now and run after her, he'll feel exactly how I feel now." I said as tears still fell from my eyes as I started to calm down.

"Not to sound like that guy, but I think you're just very hormonal right now. You don't cry, well not much. It's a rare sight, and this, this is very unlike you. But I can see why you are crying, but I know if you weren't pregnant right now that you would be upset and speak about it very clearly. You would organize everything that's happening and see each side and think clearly, but right now you're letting your emotions get the best of you on a beautiful day." He said staring down at me.

"What I'm saying is, let it out but you don't want to be someone you're not then suck it up. This is what it is, and right now you're doing everything you possibly can to fix it. Shit like this takes time." He said and I nodded wiping away my tears. "You're right, I need to fix my makeup and take my ass downstairs take pictures and go to this damn graduation." I said getting up and walking to my dresser.

"Ok, I'll be downstairs waiting for you." He said getting up and patting my shoulder and walking out of my room. I fixed my makeup and grabbed my small long handled purse. Sorry, I don't know what the hell else to call it because they're all purses to me. I grabbed my phone and cap and gown and slipped them on. I walked downstairs and got a lot of praises from my sister, brother, and mother as they took pictures of me and with me.

I took a dozen of pictures before I was able to runaway and get into Trey's new car. I didn't speak much, I just enjoyed the ride as my heart raced from thinking of Ar'iah. I don't know if she'll hug or kiss me or both, or if she'll randomly be upset with me all over again and not want either. She may not even want to talk to me, and it terrifies me that she won't want to be near me today. I really need her today, and if she becomes distant, who knows how I'll react?