❝I'd rather die kind and forgotten than be remembered for being brutal.❞
( *undergoing slight formatting tweaks & adjustments -- the story itself will otherwise remain readable and unchanged! )
⠀⠀⠀⠀ Had Bellamy not volunteered, he wouldn't be sent o...
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( ミ☆ ) FOUR too many goodbyes
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⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀He's staring at his hunting boots.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Just this morning, beyond the Wall, Bellamy had accidentally stepped into the stream with them — his favourite spot in the woods, he'd still argue, and now he may never get to go there again. Then, not ten minutes ago now, he tracked a line of dirt through the glossy marble floors of the Justice Building with them, much to the dismay of Seedy Drundling, who scolded him with a cry and a finger flick to one ear.
⠀⠀⠀⠀And now, after he and his fellow tribute Demetria Vorne were shoved into separate rooms bigger than his house alone and told to stay put, here Bellamy sits, staring at these boots. Over the years, they've done him well. The Peacekeepers who had unjustly pushed him in here hadn't even bothered to pat him down. To be fair, it's not like they expect just any kid from a passive district like Nine to have a weapon stashed away on their person, but it would have been assuring to know they considered Bellamy any sort of threat at all.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Because little do they know, Bellamy's favourite knife is still sheathed in his right hunting boot from this morning. He wants to pull it out now — make one last final mark by carving another 'B' into this stupidly expensive and comfortable sofa he's sitting on — but he can't bring himself to do it. It would be rude of him, anyway. It isn't Mayor Viccum or his nice furniture he's angry at. It's the Hunger Games and President Snow and — if he's being completely honest — himself that's the problem.
⠀⠀⠀⠀You volunteered.
⠀⠀⠀⠀You just signed yourself up for a one-way ticket to the grave, and for what? To save Ethan Miller? To save the sister you may never get to see again unless you come back a victor? A victor! Ha! And how do you expect to accomplish that when it's you up against people like the Careers? How can you possibly expect to survive the Games when you can't even kill?
⠀⠀⠀⠀❝Idiot,❞ Bellamy scolds himself out loud as a finality. He had volunteered. He had gotten himself into this. And once the numbness comes to part and logic comes trickling back into his system, he'll come to realise the mistake he just made — feel the weight of what he's just done.
