[INCOMPLETE] Letters To A Dead Man || Taekook FF || English

Letter #2

Dear Jungkook,

Today was your funeral service. It was probably the first time I'd actually gotten up off the bed in four days. I knew I had to attend it. I mean, what kind of husband would I be if I didn't? Well, I know I've been a pretty shitty husband over the years, but not attending your funeral would be the lowest of the low.

It was probably the quietest event I'd ever been to. People in black outfits, the sound of people trying to hold back their tears. I was one of them, you know. People looked back at me and asked if I was alright, and it's kind of like, no shit, of course I'm not okay. My fucking husband is dead and it's all my fault.

Mellodi sang "Because I miss you" by Jung Yonghwa. She's become so talented over the years, Jungkook. You should've been there to see it. Remember how we had her named after a thing we both loved? Who knew it would become something she loved too? She's amazing at guitar. And her brown hair... she reminds me of you.

Why can't I seem to get my thoughts together? I've been writing and writing and crossing out lines and wasting paper, but for what? You're dead, Jungkook. Gone. Out of my life. This grief I feel inside doesn't even compare to what I once felt. I can't handle it. I've never cried more in my entire life.

The kids... well, they're doing a lot better than me. I go to check on them once in a while, and they're always either downstairs watching TV or in their rooms reading a book. They've been out of school for a few days trying to cope with the pain as well, but me? I can't even move.

Mellodi is staying home for now. She knows how much agony I'm in and told me she would do her best to help me get back on track. We really raised an amazing, beautiful daughter, didn't we, Jungkook? She is our precious angel. I love her with all my heart. I'm sure that if you were here, you would be so proud of how far she's come.

She's a bit... worried about me. She says I'm not coping well. She suggested that I go see a counsellor or a therapist to help come up with ways to cope, but I don't want to. All of that kind of stuff is useless now that I'm always reminded that my one true love is gone. How in the world can I just move on? I can't, that's the fucking answer. I can't, because my love is gone.

Jungkook, I love you. I always will. I don't care how old I get without you, I'm going to stay with you. I have this wedding ring that bound us together. I'm still wearing it, and I'm never going to take it off, even if my life depends on it.

I don't know, Jungkook. I think I've run out of tears. You know the feeling, when you've cried so much for a long time and you want to keep crying, but you can't? It's like my eyes have dried up and I can't feel anything. I'm so numb, Jungkook. I don't think I can make it.

Who's to say that I won't end up like you? I'm holding on, Jungkook. I promise I am because I have a family that we raised. Together. They're the ones who remind me that you'll always be with me, even in spirit.

Wow, I've been talking like we've been apart for years, when in reality, it's only been several days. See, Jungkook? Without you here, I'm losing my senses. I've lost track of time, I can't cry, I can't feel. I'm so numb. I need to learn to feel again.

No. I don't need that. What I do need is you sleeping by my side every night and your brown eyes staring right at mine when we wake up. I need you. That's all I need.

I know it's overused and tragic, but I don't know if I can live without you, Jungkook. My heart is literally on the line here. It feels as if it's going to to literally break any second now. Who knew that such an event would've had this kind of effect on me? I wasn't expecting this! I was expecting for us to grow old together and be happy. When I received news of this, I couldn't take it because I wasn't expecting it.

I never knew. If only I had some kind of premonition that this was going to happen, maybe it would have been preventable.

This reminds me of the old days. Remember how we met? I was such an asshole to you, Jungkook. I look back and wonder how you could have ever fallen in love with someone like me. I still have those letters we wrote, locked in our special drawer. Not even the kids can get it. They're special, Jungkook, and I'll keep them with me until the day I die.

It hurts a lot. My chest, I mean. It's probably because my heart strings are tearing apart because I'm lost without you.

Did you know that you can actually die from a broken heart? Too much emotional pain can put a lot of stress on your heart, and a lot of bad things happen from there on out. I feel like that's happening to me right now.

Well, even if I do end up dead from a broken heart, at least we'll be together.

Until we meet again,

Kim Taehyung