Into the Crowd. ✔

CHAPTER 1:

There was once a girl named Madison Price. She had the brightest smile, two emerald green eyes and one heart of gold. We met when we both fourteen years old and lasted until the summer after high school before she went off to start University. Moving to London the summer of our senior year. Those few years felt like a lifetime ago, but the ache in my chest reminds me every day of what I had, and what I had lost. She reflected me in every way. A missing piece of a young boy’s heart just to fill the one of a lonely girl. Someone who accepted every good and bad part of me. She never cared where I came from and where I have been, despite who my parents were. We fell madly in love for the first time, a hidden secret from the world. I would protect her from the world if I had the chance, but I never did get more than those stolen years when nobody was watching. I was her first. Her first kiss, her first love and so much more. There never went a day without a smile or a stolen kiss from her cherry lips. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into years and into something more every day. True love or so we thought, but like every good story, it was tested. The ‘villains’ (for technicality), played a large role in everything that happened. So long story short. Her parents hated me and her father made it very clear at every occasion when he caught us together, I wasn’t so fond of her mother either, but I
never cared. The only thing that mattered was how I felt about her. Our love was just too strong to be bullied by alienated parents.
Let’s just say I grew up on the wrong side of the ‘tracks’ so to speak. I had the wrong ‘parents’ and a ‘druggy’ of an older brother. That was their words not mine. My ‘parents’ took off when I was sixteen leaving both me and my older brother to our own devices. Charlie’s only a year and a half older and he wasn’t a drug addict, he was more of an addict of wrong decisions. Occasionally socializing with alcohol induced acquaintances. So ‘the apple doesn’t fall from the tree’ idiom went around the block once or twice and everyone automatically decided the put me in the same category as my parents. Haven’t you ever hear the saying about, ‘don’t judge a book
by its cover?’ And if one person decides to judge, the rest follows. Things were always easier if you let them believe it, because I only had to stay true to myself and what Maddie thought of me. I hid behind my guitar and lyrics, faded words in an old book I had for years. Until one day a drop of sunshine came into my life. She brought color to my words and since then, every song I wrote had a piece of her in it and it still does ten years later.A week before she was send off to England, her father confronted me with words sharper than a knife. They recognized changes in her, not mentally, but physically. Now they thought I was abusive? No way! Then it turn out she was pregnant, with
my baby, nearly three months along. Her dad offered me a boat load of money to get out of her life and never to come back to Sydney again ‘or else’, because according to him I am a, ‘worthless, penniless piece of no good shit!’ So I gathered all my things,
packed in the little money I had worked for to full my tank, picked up Maddie at our ‘spot’ and drove up into the sunset, or something like that, well it was in the
middle of the day so whatever, you get the idea. I confronted Maddie about the pregnancy until she told me the truth. She knew now for a couple of days, but couldn’t come forward, because of the treats her parents made against me and the
baby. Every single conversation we had that day runs like a broken record through my head every time I close my eyes. So it went something like this…
                                   *
The midday Australian summer sun burns through the windshield of my old Ford pick-up truck I bought a year ago. Madison sits next to me speechless and unsure of my mood.
“Why didn’t you tell me Maddie?” I silently asked as I look at her. Her eyes focusing on our surroundings as I drove.
“I couldn’t, I had to keep you safe.” She still wouldn’t make any eye contact with me ever since I picked her up seven minutes ago.
“Safe? You knew for days possibly weeks and you didn’t tell me!”
“I’m sorry, but I had to, I would have lost everything.”
“Where you ever going to tell me?” Only now she lifts her emerald eyes when I lowered my voice, full of unshed tears and bore it into mine. The lump in my throat kept my voice soft but raw of emotion.
“No. I mean yes, of course I would.” Is she lying? We never lie to each other.
“Somehow I don’t believe you.” Her eyes flickers in the sun making it look greener that ever.
“Please you need to understand, I did this for the baby, our baby.”
“So you were just going to go off to England, and never come back? What about me
Maddie, you know I would do anything for you. I love you with all my heart!”
“I have to do this Josh, it’s the only way.”
“How is it the only way? Listening to your parents? Never see me again, is that what they asked? ‘Cause I made it clear a hundred times, your mine as I am yours Maddie. Come with me, run away with me and we can make a home for ourselves and love our child, please say yes. Marry me, become my wife and I will try to give you everything, anything I have!”
I kept on driving, hot tears clouds my vision and hers as well. Silence fills the cab.
“Josh, don’t say that! You know how my family is. They. Will. Ruin. You. This is the best option until I get back. It’s only temporary until I turn twenty one then we can run off. I swear to you Josh, I had no other choice than to take this deal.”
“That’s three years away Madison! I don’t understand. Why can’t we just run off, drive to a chapel and get married tonight, then you don’t have to live under their roof anymore.”
“This is the best for the baby Josh.”
“No it’s not! I am what’s best for the baby, you and me, together.”
“Please don’t Josh this is hard enough as it is.”
“No, you are taking my baby away from me for three years. I have rights too.”
“Please listen Josh, it is only temporary.”
“Please? How can you do this to me you’re not any better that them. I should have seen it sooner!” Hurt flickers in her eyes and I knew it was done. Her heart was broken. I can’t take it back because it is already out in the open. I know I didn’t mean it but, it hurt either way.
“Please stop the car Josh.” I could barely hear her voice. I need to reason with her and she knows I didn’t mean what I just said. I need to see that flicker of hope in her eyes.
“No, we are going to talk about this. I love you Maddie, we can get through this.” But the only thing flickering in her eyes were anger.
“Stop the car!” She yell out in anger.
“No dammit!” I took my eyes of the road only for a second to look at the love of my life, before everything changed.
“Josh watch out!” Her last words burned into my soul forever. Leaving me in complete darkness.
                                    *
And that ladies and gentleman is how it all ended for me. I lost the love of my life at eighteen and my unborn child, in fact I died that day as well, little by little every piece of my soul was taken that day and there is no way I would ever get that feeling
back. There is no way that I would ever love another the way I loved her. Never touch a person the way I touched her, to feel her in my arms one last time, but it never came and never will. I accepted the fact that I was going to be alone until the day I join her in heaven.
“Josh, you alright mate?” My brother Charlie slapped me on the shoulder as we walk off the stage after the impromptu show tonight.
“Man the crowd loved us tonight!” Our drummer Ezra yelled at the top of his lungs as we walk into the back ‘office’ or ‘green room’ at the back of the bar.
“Now gentleman if you would excuse me I have a hot date with every beautiful woman in the bar tonight! See you guys at the hotel? Don’t wait up.” Charlie says at the top of his lungs while packing up his bass guitar and heading out the door.
“You sure you’re good man? You were acting a little weird on the last song.” Ezra Roberts, my best friend said. We met at University and became fast friends, maybe because we had a few heartbreaks in common. He knew me better than my own brother does sometimes.
“It’s happing again, Ez.” I sit down on a wooden chair in the back corner and let my head rest in my hands.
“What’s happening?” he asks, but I gave him a stern look before I dropped my head back into my hands.
“Oh-o-oh.” he took a minute to read between my lines until he snaps his fingers.
“This time it felt so real Ezra. She was right there in front of me, front and center of the crowd.”
“Josh, you know I love you, you’re my best friend and I know what you went through, but really mate? It’s been ten years, you have to move on with your life. You’re close to thirty and you haven’t even dated anyone in all this time I have known you, not even casually.”
“I can’t move on Ez. I am still broken and I don’t know I would ever be whole again. I would rather die alone than have anybody else. Ever.” This is the part of the conversation Ezra knew he should back off so I got up from my seat just to try and think clearly again.
“I am going to take a walk and get some fresh air before I go back to the hotel. I just want to be alone for a while.”
“Yes of course.” He quickly agrees, knowing this feeling would eventually pass. The warm Australian summer air hit me hard as I take my first step outside and it made me realize that there is no such thing as a happy ending for me anymore, the only happy endings I could ever manage was the words written in my songs, the only piece of light I had and the only piece of light I have left though all these years of pain. I have broken every guitar owned, burned every book with every word they held between the pages, many a moons back after the accident. I tried to save her that day. I tried to stop the bleeding at the best of my abilities, but still did she take her last breath in my arms. Her once beautiful eyes now closed by the curtains of an endless sleep as I cried for her, for the loss of my child. So flashed-forward, after the accident I vowed to myself that no other person was going to die in my arms, ever again or get hurt by having me in their lives!
“Josh?” Ezra caught up to me before I was completely outside.
“Mm?” I asked as I ducked my face from onlookers outside the bar.
“You rocked it tonight!”
“Right back ‘atcha' mate, stay save, I’ll see you later.”
It’s dark outside as I breathe in the summer air. It’s been two years since I have been in Sydney but it feels just like yesterday as I take a good look around. Everything is still the same, the same city rush that fills my blood. Memories of my childhood in every corner of the city. Ten years later and I still feel the same emptiness inside of me every time I came back here. We’ve been touring Australia for the past six weeks at the end of our six month world tour and we’ve been in Sydney almost six days now.
The band was my family now. Charlie, Ezra, Drew and I. We started the band seven years ago right after three of us graduated. Now we are well established with three successful albums later and still going strong. After we leave tomorrow to head back to Adelaide were we are based, we will have a six month break before we start the new album. So that means I have three months to come up with twelve decent songs for our forth studio album to be released early next year. I put in my headphones as
I walk down the crowded street and pull the hood over my head for some privacy. The sounds of ‘The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus’s’ song ‘Cat and Mouse’ fills my eardrums. This song was on repeat in my favorite playlist because it held so much personal sorrow and heartbreak into one song that is basically the story of my life.
‘How am I supposed to be happy when all I ever wanted, comes with a price?’ No truer words to describe my heart. The night consumes me as I ignore every glance of every person I pass on the street with my head hanging low, complete in the mood of the lyrics in my ears. My lips slowly follow the words with no sound as I consume the ache in my heart once again as I always did when I catch a glimpse of her even if it was only a ghost. Every memory are on repeat this evening, flashbacks from the
past and all the shit that comes with it. The song slows down at the end and I feel a cold shiver moving up and down my spine, but I can’t seem to put my finger to it. Music was all I have left to hold on to. I go home alone every night to a cold and
empty bed. I could take care of myself for the first time in my life by not worrying about what would be for dinner tomorrow night. After my parents disappeared on us when I was sixteen was not as bad as I thought it would be. They were hardly paying attention to us anyways so once it all stopped and they never came back, it
didn’t hurt at all, the damage was already done. So Charlie and I tried to get after school work to make sure there were at least food on the table day by day, until I had enough money saved up to buy a four hundred dollar beat-up truck at seventeen. I saw Maddie everyday while we hide out at places no one could see us
together, not because she was ashamed of me, but not to let go of what we had as soon as her father sees us together. It happened a few times and every time it was the same story, but I never tried to let him get the best of me. I was a good kid, I got
really good grades even if it means to study until the sun came up the next morning. Maddie helped me study, she taught me how to play piano and I taught her how to play guitar. So it went on for four years after we met that fateful day she took her last breath, all the doings of my own hands. Blame bought me a long road of agony and shame. Ten years later I still feel like a hopeless eighteen year old with a broken heart.
The wind takes on an unexpected direction as I made my way down a one way street. On good days I would picture every good moment I had with her. Picture how my life would have been if we got married and had our child. Would it have been a girl or a boy? The girl would have looked just like her mother. Her eyes would
shine every time she would laugh or boy with the same cleft in his chin as I do. The walks in the park, vacations at a resort or an island. The late night story telling. Date night with my wife. Stolen kisses when nobody was watching. Making love under the stars and moon. How I wish every day would be a day like that. To make
tomorrow never come. After her death, her parents moved out of the city to the country side, somewhere I couldn’t even find them. There was no funeral, no memorial of the woman they have lost. They simply just packed everything up and left like they never existed. They didn’t even have the decency to look me in the eyes and tell me their sorry, instead they tried to smear my name in every possible way. All I need now is one big release and I know I’m not going to find it at the bottom of a bottle. Not today anyway. The street became quiet as I walked on. The darkened
sky throwing shadows in my path. The squeal of breaking tires brought me out of the daze I pulled myself in. A scream was sounded not far away in the distance with a loud unforgettable crash that made my heart skip a beat or two. Two cars collided at the crossing merely meters away. A pick-up truck slams straight into a smaller vehicle’s passenger side door. For a moment I thought the car was going to flip as it leans to the side in an uncomfortable angle, but then gravity pulled it back to earth and slammed it down onto the tar in a loud thud that shocked the earth beneath my feet.
“Shit!” I cursed. The medical training I had kick in automatically as I rushed towards to smaller car with the most damage to the one side. I tried to open the car door from the outside but it won’t budge as I pulled again and again. Nothing happened. I could see the petite frame of a woman with dark brown hair lying unconscious
against the steering wheel, the airbag crashing her delicate frame and the trace of blood tripping downwards.
“Come one, come on!” I yelled and cursed a few times as I tried to pull open the door again. If I don’t get her out as soon as possible it would be too late for her before the ambulance arrives. The man in the truck jumped out, hands in his hair as he
mumbles away some curses.
“Somebody call 911 quick!” I yelled at anybody who can hear me.
“The ambulance is seven minutes out!” somebody answered at the back of me.
“She’ll be dead before they get here!” I yelled back into the silence.
“Think Boweman, think dammit.” I pulled of my jacket and wrapped it around my fist and arm. I stepped back and got ready for the blow. This is going to hurt. I smashed the glass with all my pent up frustration, but it only cracks.
“Isn’t it too dangerous to move her? I think we should wait for the paramedics!”
“I am a M.D!” I respond to the woman who called upon my actions.
I took one more powerful swing, ignoring the pain in my wrists and fingers as the glass fully crack. The window shatters under my touch and I break down the rest of the glass with my hands. Carefully I break it down doing my best not to cut myself
as I reach for the door handle on the inside and pulled it open with all my might. I pulled my small pocketknife out of my front jean pocket, steading her back and neck with my one arm to minimalize any movement and stabbed the airbag with my free
hand so all the air can blow out. I steadied her neck and head on the neck rest of the car seat as I lean over to undo her seatbelt. No movement from the girl. Her dark hair framing her face as blood drips down her head from a gash on her temple. Shit!
I need to get her out as calmly as possible, head wounds are always dangerous and the slightest movement can cause serious damage so I have to be careful. The belt
swing off of her in a ‘whoosh’ as the pressure releases. I gathered her out of the car in my arms, carefully holding her steady for any fast movements. Somewhere far in
the distance I could hear the sirens, but it was still too far away and I haven’t felt any movement from the rigid girl in my arms. It’s like she’s been frozen in time as I lay her down as carefully as possible and look up at the small crowd of people gathered around us. Sweeping her hair out of her face I was met with the wetness
surrounding the wound. I checked my hands and see her blood on it. A sense of déjà vu started to fill my senses and my chest pulls tight as the memories came crashing back. I looked down at the girl laying there helpless from the world, all alone and for some wrong reasons I couldn’t help but to actually look at her features.
“What the?” I say out loud. Confused by the face I see in front of me. No, it can’t be. I lean in closer to check her features just to see my own confusion playing games on me and I try to ignore it. It’s just the shock... Right?
“I need a flashlight? Anybody!?” I asked the people surrounding us. The guy from the truck pulls out a small flashlight out of his glove compartment.
“Here.” He held it out for me, but I couldn’t take it while my hands were still covered in her blood. My heart feels like it is about to jump out of my chest any minute now as I search her face for answers. It had to be my mind playing tricks on me again like
so many times it did before, because as I look down I could swear that I can see Maddie’s face morph into my vision. I quickly pulled of my white t-shirt over my head and wipe down my hands with it. I take the flashlight out of his hand and let him take my shirt.
“I need you to bend down and put pressure on the wound on her head while I check her eyes, can you do that sir?”
“Y-y-yes of c-course.” He gets down and apply pressure where I told him to. I clicked the flashlight on and open one eyelid as I try to look deep into her lifeless soul and somehow I wish I could catch a glimpse if green. Her pupils are dilated but responding to the light as I check her other eyes and I catch a glimpse of something. She looks about my age, small frame with dark chocolate brown hair that falls
beneath her shoulders. Maddie had the same.
“She’s responding to the light but I can’t feel a pulse.” I say to no one in particular.
“I can hear the sirens.” Someone says.
“Not enough time.” I zipped down her brown leather jacket and was met by a wine red shirt. It seemed familiar on that moment. I pushed the thought out of me head, but just as I moved my hands to her delicate chest to start compressions I felt the slightest of movement beneath my fingertips.
“Come one, come one Maddie!” Shit, did I just call her Maddie?! What’s wrong with me? After a few seconds of just sitting there with my hands on her chest I reached towards the pulse point at her neck and felt her pulse speeding up little by little as she tries to breathe air back into her lungs. I pulled back and sigh in relieve and so did everybody else.
“Keep the pressure until the ambulance gets here.” I say to the man. He nods and I fall back on my backside beside the girl. I took a deep breath to steady my own heartbeat. I pulled my jacket to my side and cleaned of the glass as I pulled it over myself. Zipping it up.
“Oh thank God!” an older man to my right exhaled. Yes, thank God indeed.
“That’s some impressive work you have done there young man, you just saved her life.” I could only manage a nod as I felt her pulse again to make sure she is still breathing. Somewhere in the back of my mind I could still not believe that I let Maddie’s name slip out when I tried to save another woman’s life. I took a better look at her and I was still struck with a complete episode of déjà vu and the feeling wasn’t letting up. A few seconds later the ambulance stopped and two paramedics jumped out with a gurney.
“Thank you mate, we got it from here.” They work as I watch the scene from the wreck. She is one lucky girl as I look at the shattered windshield and crumbled passenger’s side.
“Do we have an ID on her?” the medic asked around. I walked around her car and pulled open the door again as I try to see if she had anything with her. I caught a glimpse of the silver strap caught beneath the seat and I reached for it. It took a few tucks before it gave in so I could pull it out. I handed it over to the medic and he took it with him as they carry her into the back of the ambulance and I followed on instinct.
“I am coming with.” I announced as they pushed her in the back. One of them hopping in the back while the other rush to the driver side.
“Sir, you have done what you could, we will take it from here.”
“Sorry mate not going to happing. I pulled her out and I brought her back so one way or another I am getting in the back with her.” I jumped in at the back and closed the door behind me not caring to listen to his reply. The guy knocked on the window upfront signaling the driver to take off. I look over to where she lay. They had to
intubate her, she struggled to breath on her own possibly from shock. The medic was silent as he took out her ID and inserting the information into a digital chart table on the tablet. I looked down at the girl and she still seemed so familiar, even though she laid there vulnerable in front of me. A lump started to form in my throat,
it still can’t be. I moved in closer to get a closer look.
“What’s her name?” I asked him. He doesn’t answer as he covered her hairline with white cloth, ignoring me. So I asked again.
“What’s her name?” he looked up at me and back down at the information he just wrote down.
“A Miss Price. Madison Price.” My earth stopped. My lungs contracted into a tight sponge, dried to the bone.
“What!?”
“Madison Price.” He said again looking confused.
“No. That’s not Madison Price.” I point down at her.
“That’s what her ID says mate. Do you know her?”
“No. I mean yes, but it can’t be her. She died ten years ago.”
“I am sorry mate, but it could be a common name.”
“What’s her birthdate?” I got up and bend over her to get even a closer look, but the medic stopped me when I got to close.
“Mate, you need to calm down and sit, were almost at the hospital.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down. I asked you a question.”
“Please Mr. Boweman you need to calm down.” I puffed out some frustrated oxygen.
So he know who I am? Just fucking great!”
“It’s October 7th 1988.” Holy mother of a shit! This can’t be! That is the one date I will never forget. Dizziness folds in on me as I fall down on the seat behind me. My hands in my hair as all the blood drowns from my face. This can’t be. She died in my arms.
I watched as she took her last breath. How is this even possible? My voice comes out raw and unsteady. I looked down at my shaking hands, demanding my brain to
wake up from this dream.
“Mate are you alright? It looks like you’ve seen a ghost, were you in the accident to?”
I sat there thinking. Thinking about something that can confirm that this is not a dream.
“Does she have a tattoo on her right side?” I calmly ask with a shaking voice. He comply without arguing again, but then his simple answers sends a deadly shiver down my spine.
“Yes.” He says. I took a deep breath and zipped down my jacket exposing my right side.
“Does it look like this?” I asked him. He looked from me to her. His eyes widening in confirmation. He nods in my direction. I think my heart just stopped beating.
“Yes. The feathers are the same but instead of an M she has a J tattooed next to it.”
He searched her purse and pulled out a stumped ticket. My ticket. The ticket from tonight show and it all came back to me. The woman front and center. Dressed in red. Not my imagination.
“Impossible!” And that was my last words before everything went black and dizziness took over my muscle strength.