Into the Crowd. ✔

CHAPTER 16

I sat the breakfast bar, sipping some coffee while I watched Maddie, Taylor and Troy playing in the backyard. I nearly spilled when Charlie puts his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t hear him walking up. Ezra has been gone for nearly two days, but I asked Charlie to stay another few days and he agreed. It was Saturday morning, the house was silent except for the noises outside.
“I still can’t believe you bought a house.” He says, purring himself a cup and sat down across from me.
“So different from the dump we grew up in.” I mumble, biting into an apple.
“I hope that place has been burned to the ground.” I shook my head, knowing that place still stood.
“Nope. Still there in all its glory. I drove past it when I went out yesterday for more dogfood.”
“I can’t believe you went back there. Why?”
“I think I just needed to come to grips again that I am not that man anymore. That I have moved on and accepted that I can be a better man by not letting the past hold me back again.” He doesn’t answer me, but I followed his gaze out the window to where they were sitting on the grass with Troy between them.
“She seems better today…”
“It’s been a week, Charlie, and she’s just… she’s just going on like nothing is happening.” I sign hopelessly.
“Maddie or Taylor?” He asks, I almost said ‘both’, but I knew Maddie was taking it the hardest.
“Taylor.” I finally choked out, throwing the stem of the apple in the dustbin, but missed.
“It’s probably her way of coping. She’s a strong girl Josh.” He assured me.
“Maddie she’s… I’ve heard her crying again this morning. Locked herself in the bathroom and let the water running, thinking it would mute her cries.” I rubbed my face, trying to push back my own tears burning my eye lids, threatening to escape in front of my brother. There was only one other time he has ever saw me crying. So long ago when I thought she was dead. He lifted me up, when I knew there was nothing else to keep me in equilibrium.
“Then she would come out all smiles, confusing me even more.” She’ll talk, she’ll smile, but then she would lock up every time I would bring up the subject. We’ll make love with firing passion. She would kiss me like she has never done before, touch me in places that would make my own heart race in a million miles per hour.
“You do love her, do you?” I jerked upright in my chair when he asked me the most ridiculous question.
“How can you even ask me that?” I fire back, but he shakes his head.
“That was not what I meant and you know it. All I wanted to say, that if you love her the way I know you love her you would need to be patient, my brother.” I relaxed and letting his words sink in. To make their way to my brain so I can accept the changes.
“She’s not talking. I thought we were, but it’s like she has been shutting me out, out of that part of our lives this last two days. I love them more than I possibly could, but if something happens to Taylor? Charlie, I don’t know what I would do…”
“Don’t be like this Josh. Everything will work out, I promise you this.” His blue eyes, mirroring mine.
“How can you promise something that may never happen? She may never get a heart on time, then I will lose not just Taylor but Maddie as well.”
“I have hope. Hope that somewhere out there would be a miracle. There has to be!” There was a gasp coming from the door. Maddie stood there, one arm balanced against the door and the other wrapped around her waist. Her face expressionless. I nearly knocked over my mug in the process of getting up.
“Maddie…” Charlie looks behind him and immediately got up as well, looking between us both.
“I’ll give you guys a minute.” He says, leaving the room and went outside to where Taylor was still playing with Troy.
“Is that really how you feel?”
“I… Yes…” I drop my head in a sigh when I couldn’t get a good word out. So I walk up to her and pull her into the room, closing the door behind us.
“I am scared to death and you’re not talking to me.”
“Let’s go and talk upstairs.” She leads me up the stairs into our room for some privacy. She paced the room for a moments before she sat down on the bed.
“I’ve been alone for so many years Josh. Years when I carried it all upon my shoulders, it’s been a habit I’ve been trying to break, but I still climb into that shell when I get scared.”
“But baby that’s why I am here. I love you and Taylor more than anything in this world, but it’s killing me to see you like this. It kills me to see you cry. To see you hiding those tears, when I should be there and hold you. Telling you that everything is going to be okay…”
“I’m sorry… I’ll be better, I promise.” She sniffles, wiping at her eyes. I walk over kneeling in front of her so that I was eye level, massaging her knees while I let her calm down. I reached over to the bedside table to grab a few tissues. I wiped at her cheeks, beneath her eyes and across her lips. She settles down, framing my face with her hands. She runs her fingers across the stubble along my jaw, over my ears and into my hair.
“Thank you.” She says leaning down to kiss me. I accepted her embrace, feeling closer to her now, than I did these last few days.
“Promise me that every time you feel the erge to climb back into that shell, talk to me first baby. Like I told Charlie, I don’t ever want to lose you again.”
“I promise.” We heard laughter coming from outside followed by a soft barks. Troy has been sleep with Taylor, on her bed, every night since we got him. Taylor always argue that he doesn’t but he is always on the bed when I check on her before we went to bed. The little blue eyed puppy, protecting his new best friend.
“Josh! Taylor wants some ice cream, do you have any?!” Charlie shouts from downstairs.
“We’ll be down in a minute!” I answered back.
“Want to join us for an ice cream and a walk on the beach?”
“Sounds perfect.”