The Sun's Too Bright

Five

🎵Thought About You: Tim McGraw

"We're going to grow up, get married, have children." Jack says as he stares at the sky.

We're laying on a blanket on the grass, staring at the stars.

"That star, right over there is called Alkaid. It's on the end of Ursa Major, the Big Dipper. It's my favorite constellation."

He turns to me. "Did you not hear what I just said?"

"And there are stars around it that make up a bear shape, that's where it got the name Ursa because it means bear in Latin. Personally, I prefer to just look at it like a pan. Just the small part. It's easier to find it in the sky that way."

"Diane, why are you afraid to face the future?"

I turn to him. "Well whether I'm ready for it or not, it's still going to happen anyways, right?"

He frowns. "You confuse me."

"It's just so long away. I just want to enjoy right now."

He turns back towards the sky. I knew he didn't like my answer.

Jack and I had that conversation a year ago. That was back when college and crap like that was so far away. Now, it feels like it's all coming too soon.

I'm watching Jack's baseball game with Jenna on one side and Claire on the other. Jack loves baseball even more than football. His parents made him work harder at football because there was more of a guarantee of him going to college and playing ball than with baseball. Many professional baseball players don't go to college.

This is their last regular game of the season and they're losing 3-1 in the eighth inning. If they lose tonight, Jack will be in a horrible mood. His team has already qualified for the playoffs, but this game was supposed to be a confidence booster for them going into the more important games.

The girls next to me are cheering on Mason Woods. I roll my eyes. Of course, Mason Woods is a grade-A asshole at our school who gets any girl he wants, but then dumps them. He's also probably one of my least favorite people on this planet.

It's the bottom of the eighth with two outs and two guys on base. Jack is up to bat.The pitcher throws a screw ball, which Jack hits right on point. The ball flies all the way out to left field. A scrawny kid is playing out there. He runs to catch the ball and by some miracle, it lands right in his mitt. Shit. Three outs.

Our team can't do anything in the ninth inning either and the game ends 3-1. I wait by the bleachers for Jack until after his coach is done talking to him. There are parents waiting over here too. Jack's parents rarely come to baseball games. His dad devotes his time to Jack's football career and his mom goes along with his dad. He almost didn't allow Jack to play baseball this year, but Jack convinces him since it's his senior year. His parents are both nice people and everything, I just wish that they were more supportive in what Jack really loves. Hopefully, they'll come out for the playoff games.

It takes a while for Jack to come out. Several of his teammates left before him, but I'm guessing his coach held him back to talk to him alone. Jack is the team's biggest hope pitching-wise for a victory. He didn't pitch tonight because the coach wanted to save his arm for the more important games.

Finally, he walks out of the dugout. We make eye contact and he barely smiles. Again, shit.

I walk with him to his car in silence. Going along with our routine, he drives to the coffee shop that we always go to. Again, the ride is in silence. I know that he needs to cool off. It's frustrating watching someone else play your position and not well.

We get to the shop and he takes the keys out of the ignition. "You know what I hate?"

We go through this every game they lose. I just stay silent as he rants.

"I hate how there's so much pressure put on me to play a sport in college that I barely like and this is the last season of the one sport I do truly do enjoy."

He pauses as if he's waiting for me to speak, but I know better.

"I didn't want to end this season in a loss. Sure, there's playoffs, but how well will we play there? We weren't the best team in the conference. What if my season ends the next game? What if it ends with the one after that? It just sucks."

Now, he's done. "Jack, you just have to play your best in these last few games. You can't control that you aren't playing baseball in college."

I look over at him. He has his head turned away from me, looking out the window. "That's the thing. I could've controlled it. I got offers from schools to play baseball in college. Sure, it was Division II, and that's why my dad told me no. Baseball wasn't offered to me on a silver platter like football was."

This is the first I'm hearing that he got offers to play college baseball. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He turns his head to look at me, realizing he said too much. "It wasn't important."

"Jack, you take the time to tell me the color of your damn underwear everyday. If that's dumber than colleges asking you to play baseball, the sport that you love, then you're crazy. Why didn't you tell me?"

He hesitates. Jack doesn't keep secrets from me. Ever. The fact that he kept this is unsettling.

"Those colleges were all on the west coast, halfway across the country. I couldn't ask you to move that far away from home."

He always thought that him playing college football was keeping me from my full potential. Never once did I think that me going to the same college as him was holding him back.