Silence

Changes

Elliot's POV

11-27-18

It's been a couple weeks, since dad had hit mom. And it's starting to become more and more frequent. Not much of him hitting her, but him hitting me. All because I'm a useless, ungrateful waste of space. According to him at least.

Mom always comes to my room, just to reassure me it's the alcohol talking. But I don't think so, I've heard that when people are drinking they're more honest then when their sober. Which kinda makes it worse.

And my therapist says he wants to read these entries but I won't let him. Because he'll probably call the cops on my dad and as much as I hate to admit it, I don't want our family to break apart.

Am I being selfish? Probably but, even if my dad is abusive and I know my mom doesn't deserve it. I'm selfish. All because I want us to one day be the happy family we once were.

And it makes me feel guilty, because I know that won't happen.

Closing my journal, I stick it into my drawer beside my bed. And plop my head onto my pillow.

I'm really starting to hate this room, staring at the same four dark blue walls everyday. And my stomach is killing me, I got a beating a few hours ago, because there was no beer in the fridge.

Mom's at work and I don't want to call her, I don't want her to worry about me, so here I am. I limped my way upstairs, all the way to my room, and I've been laying here since.

It hurts to move.

Maybe those kids are right. Maybe he's right. I am weak and useless.

Life has changed from that happy kid I used to be. Now life is just me laying in my bed, no plans. Just my thoughts corrupting me, I try not to think these things but I can't help it.

My therapist told me it's the depression, but how can depression control me? Making me think these things? That's the thing it can't, I control it.

Maybe if I just go on with life. Putting on a smile and acting like I'm ok, it'll eventually be ok.

I'll be ok.

I'll be happy.

It's just hard to stay positive, it's what mom tells me to do. So I try, keeping the negative thoughts in the back of my head.

Sometimes they just manage to crawl their ways to the front.

"I'm home." Mom shouts as I hear the front door close, but I don't move.

Hearing the steps of her walking up the stairs

Thud

Thud

Thud

Before hearing her knock at the door, "come in," I mutter, and she walks in her full glory. Her hair still neat sticking up in a few places. Her purse over shoulder, a smile on her face.

She works as a business partner for Capsule Industries.

"Hey honey, what happened." She asked as her eyes crease in worry.

"Nothing," I say sitting up, wincing slightly. But I managed to hide it, I think.

"Are you sure?" She asked, I think she knows. "It's really nothing mom, I'm fine." I'm not but that's ok.

"Look I know your not, but I'll leave it for now. I'm calling the school though, your not going tomorrow." She says walking out my room, closing the door.

Standing up, I walk out to the restroom. Shutting my eyes each step I take, inhaling.

When I get to the restroom, I quickly do my business before standing in front of the sink my hands on either side of it. I look up at myself through the mirror.

Staring at my eyes, they look dull, tired.

Lifting up my shirt, my stomach has shades of purple towards my side and some in the front.

I don't even recognize myself anymore.

My dark brown hair, is mess. Resembling a bird nest in my opinion. Running my hand through it, I try and calm it down before going back to my room.

Waking out I pass by my parents' room, only to hear crying.

Opening the door slightly, I slowly walk in. Moms' laying on the bed her shoulders shaking from the crying. Wiping away the tear that I let slip. I walk towards the other side of the bed before carefully laying next to her wincing as I lay on my back.

"Are you ok?" I whisper, as her crying dies down.

"I- I'm pregnant." Is all she says before she starts crying again.

Wha- how?

I really hate myself for asking this, "did he, you know." I start but couldn't bring myself to finish.

"Oh, no nothing like that, " I let out a breath, relief filling through me.

"Then how?" She looks up at me with her tear stained face.

"I cheated, it was awhile ago. I didn't think anything of it, it was just a stupid one night stand." She sobs harder.

I 'm not sure why but I feel hurt in a way, but I know I shouldn't be. It's not her fault, its dads, he's the one who led her to this.

She stays silent for a minute., the only sound heard is her sniffling as she calms down.

"Since when?" I ask quietly as she wipes her eyes.

"I'm almost two months."

Not answering I just lay there, there's nothing more for me to say other than...

"I'm going to be an older brother."

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