Before you were mine - Bennoda

• 9. Help me understand •

"Of course I do Chester, You're my friend. This is what friends do for each other." I smiled. Out of nowhere he hugged me, he must be beginning to trust me which I'm more then just grateful for.

"Thank you.. s-so so much." He said.

I smiled and hugged him tighter "You're welcome."

I mean, It was just a hug, so I didn't do anything wrong right? It did feel good to hug him though...

—

Chester PoV

I went back to school and Joe was walking to class with me since Mike had a different class and so did the other guys.

"Chazzy Boy!" I heard Luke.. I flinched and Joe mumbled "Don't worry man... King of comebacks." He chuckled as He motioned both of his thumbs at himself.

"Bennington!" Luke hissed.

"What?" I spun around. I saw that his friends weren't with him, awesome. "Where are your monkeys?" I asked, I didn't have much to lose so eh,.

"They got suspended." He said, anger visible on his features.

"Cool."

"Well, At least I got friends, And who do you have? A Chinese Boy?" Spat Luke as he turned to Joe "cmon, open your eyes for fucks sake."

"Says you, if you'd do that you'd be able to see I'm not Chinese... oh wait, You wouldn't have the brains for it." Joe looked at him casually.

"Oh fuck you.."

"All these body parts and you still had to be an asshole." Said Joe, shaking his head. Luke scoffed "I bet you're fucking around with Bennington
,Fucking faggot.."

People started laughing but Joe shrugged and said "I'm straighter then the pole your mom dances on."

People now laughed at Luke for a bit before he yelled "Shut the fuck up!"

He leaped at me and started hitting me but I heard Rob growl "Get off him!"

He pulled Luke off me, That's when Mike and Dave also ran in, followed by Brad.

We were with the six of us and Luke was alone.. we stood next to each other and I just got this odd feeling, like we were all meant to be by each other's side.

Luke got into my Face one last time "I'll get you back, Faggot!" He spat in my face as he called me that word.. I wiped his saliva from my face.

"Gross.." I mumbled. But it's better then having my own blood running down my face.

I turned around to see the guys, I smiled at them gratefully "thank you, so so so much."

"We got you Chaz, you're welcome." Dave smiled. Brad nodded in agreement. Mike grinned at me "No problem chaz."

"I swear to god I hate Luke." Said Rob. Which was weird because Rob was usually pretty peaceful, so he must be really mad.

—

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

I went back home that day but something I never thought would happen ever again happened again... And I felt disgusting..

Now I was laying on the couch, numb... my dad did this to me..

The things he said, the way he ignored me when I screamed for him to stop.. and then the worst feeling, him so physically close to me..

I did my best to get up and I put my pants back on. I went upstairs and hopped in the shower and I started crying.. I felt so disgusted, I'm disgusting. I saw blood and water ran down my inner thighs.

I cut again, I'm so fucking done. I just want to end it. But I can't do that right? I got Mike and the rest of the guys.... Mike, who'll never love me the way I love him... the guys, who are only my friends because of Mike.

I broke into sobs again, thank god no one was home.

I cried as I thought about everything, my dad who abused me in every way possible, My brother who physically and mentally abuses me, my mother who neglected me not looking back once, my sister who doesn't bother looking for me, Luke who will never stop hating me just like everyone else in that school or just the world... then there's me... a fuck up. Just a waste of space.

I can't believe Mike even tried being my friend.... I'm not worth it.

I could just give him my lyrics and hope he'll publish my music, because by that time I won't be around anymore.

—

Next day in music class I was very quiet because last nights events were still haunting my mind.

Mike had noticed I was sad and he just told me "It'll get better" and "You'll be fine.". He doesn't understand, and Like I always did, I wrote out my feelings.

" Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There'd never be a past."

I felt my eyes beginning to water, I wiped my tears away and continued writing, or tried. I jumped, Mike startled me by his voice appearing out of nowhere "Damn.." he said sitting down next to me "are you okay?"

He must've seen the lyrics then. I still tried to hide them. "Chazzy, talk to me." He whispered in the mosh kind and soft voice ever.

"Nothing." I mumbled.

"No they're something. Tell me." Mike said. "No, It's non of your business. Fucking drop it." I snapped.

Mike seemed to be taken aback by my sudden tone change, but so was I..

Mike's PoV

Sometimes I forget that I have to slow down when it comes to talking with Chester... of course I didn't expect him to instantly open up about everything but sometimes I forget..

"I'm sorry." I whispered. Chester just looked down at his paper and nodded "I-it's fine.. I-I shouldn't've snapped." He looked like a wounded animal or something.. I felt bad.

I looked at him for a bit until Anna called me, My head shot up and so did Chester's.