Underneath the Surface

Untitled Part 1

I am scared

I am worried

And most importantly I want it.

I know I only knew him for 2 days, but I really want to fall for him

Fall with him

Fall in love

Is it really bad to wish for such thing?

I wanna fall in love

I wanna settle in

Settle in with someone who will love me

Love me for who I am

And who I will become

I am not perfect, and I don't want him to be perfect either

I just want us to be perfect together

I guess I am obsessing already

But I can't help myself

He is cute..

He is nice..

He is kind..,

And I have been alone for quite a while.

I really want him to message me,

I really want him to answer my messages

I really want him to like me

I hope my personality did not push him away

I hope he likes me

I don't want to convince myself already that this is not going to happen

Because I don't want to be hurt in the end

But I am already hurt by over thinking

I am overthinking all the time

Will Jason be disapproving?

Am I allowed to move on?

Is it too early to move on?

I don't know how to feel anymore

I just need a break from life

I am not happy,

But I want to be happy

I am not perfect,

But I want to be perfect,

I am not okay,

But I want to be finally okay.

I pray he helps me

I pray he likes me

And maybe eventually loves me

I pray that he is the right person for me

Because I am sinking

I am just beneath the surface with little oxygen left

I am not suffocating yet,

But I am feeling the pain

I feel weak

And any second, I will allow water fill up my lungs.

My lungs already hurt, so what more pain little water in my lungs will cause?

Am I ready to let go?

Is anyone going to save me from the deep water?

Can anyone see me anymore underneath the surface?

Underneath the surface, I will stay

Will I ever break the surface?