"what are you doing here?" I asked him, not able to bring a smile to my face.
"I'm back from filming, I wanted to see you." He smiled, but I couldn't bear to look at it.
"you left, why did you think I'd want to see you?" I scoffed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave like that. I fully understand if you were upset with me for it."
"It's not a matter of past tense, I'm still upset."
"Madi, please. I want to make it better, like we used to be."
"it's funny actually, all I could think about for the past months was you. and here you are right in front of me, and I still can't forgive you."
"Made I'm sorry, it was all last minute. I wanted to give you space because I thought you were still angry with me, but then it just got busier and I didn't want to rush talking to you. I needed to see you, I missed you."
"I missed you as well, but I'm sorting my life out." I went to cross but he called out to me.
"come to the flat later, I want to talk to you properly. please."
"we'll see."
I just turned away from him, my heart breaking from how badly I just wanted to run into his arms and start over. But I was with Matt, I couldn't just do that to him. He was waiting with a smile when I got in the car, the engine already started.
"I thought I recognised him." He said, pulling into the road and away from where Will had been stood. I leant my head against the window. "He was with you in town ages ago right? Had the same glasses on didn't he?"
"Yeah. that's him."
"Is he an old friend?"
"sort of."
"he looks old."
"he is."
"you okay?" He asked me, I looked over and faked a smile.
"course I am."
-
Matt helped me make food for mum, who had gone from the kitchen table to the sofa, but her state of unconsciousness was still the same. I left the plate on the coffee table in front of her and rolled my eyes, dragging Matt away before he could say something about waking her up before the food goes cold.
We watched a movie in my room and I fell asleep as I leant against his shoulder, tired out from the day's unusual heat. When I woke he was trying to move me to lay down properly in the bed.
"are you going?" I asked, suddenly wide awake.
"Uh yeah, I didn't want to wake you sorry." He whispered.
"so you were gonna go without saying bye?" I scoffed.
"Madison, I just didn't want to wak-"
"its fine, just go."
"I'll see you tomorrow morning anyway." He laughed.
"Don't patronise me." I snapped.
"I'm not, Jesus what's up with you?"
"with me!" I yelled. "There is nothing wrong with me, except the fact that you have no problem leaving me without any notice. Just fuck off will you, I've had enough of this bullshit."
"what is this!" he exclaimed, I was beginning to get frustrated now and was ready to start screaming. This was Will's fault, I should've seen that. But all I could think about as Matt left in a huff was how much I wanted to go see that man. How much I'd missed him.
I waited 10 minutes, to make sure Matt had really left and ventured down into the house, all the while listening out for any sign of movement. The house seemed quiet so I went into the living room to check on mum, she was awake and eating.
"hi love." she said, noticing me in the doorway with my coat and shoes on. "going somewhere?
yeah, out."
"oh right. isn't it a bit late?" she didn't even look up from her food to check the time.
"I'll probably stay at Matt's tonight."
"alright, wasn't matt just here?" she didn't seem convinced.
"no, think the post came though." I picked up the bills from next to the front door and placed them on the windowsill. Most of them said urgent, but I had to refrain from reading those. It wasn't my responsibility anymore.
"ok love, see you later." I just nodded and left, stepping out of the front door and into the ever-darkening night. Where the street lamps were just warming up their glow for the pitch black sky to come out.
I plodded the long way round, taking the canal route so that I could plan out what I wanted to say. Not that it would be of any help, I tended to become a bit of a mess around Will. I couldn't help it.
-
It was 11 by the time I got to the flats, the walk having taken a lot longer than I'd first anticipated. I gulped back my doubts as I took the lift up to his floor, and bit back my nerves as my shaky hand knocked on his front door.
I waited for a second, no one answering very quickly. Then I heard rustling from inside and the chain being pulled back. He was there, in his pyjamas, a tired look in his eyes but still wearing a bright smile when he saw me.
My heart broke then and there, I fell into his arms with a sob and let him hold me in the hallway as I cried harder into his chest. The feeling of being back in his safe grasp something that I would never take for granted ever again. It was a feeling I had never quite gotten with Matt, he'd never made me this fragile before.
"I'm sorry." I choked out in broken words. Will just stroked my hair and shushed me.
"You never have to be sorry. never." He said gently before kissing the top of my head.
like nothing had changed. I hated myself for this lack of control, it was wrong on so many levels.
