Mum was able to go back to work, with a higher dosage of medication than she was used to, but I felt too bad to keep her on it when she was at home. So I'd let her take small breaks so that she didn't feel too sedated by the pills she was taking. But balancing her care, my own and schoolwork was proving quite the task.
-
"It's been three days, you could've been dead for all I knew." Will teased over the phone, doing his best to lighten my drowsy mood. The lack of sleep beginning to catch up on me.
"I'm sorry, it's been way too hectic and I promise I'll come see you soon." I told him.
"really?"
"yes, why wouldn't I?" I asked. The exhaustion causing my nerves to be easily agitated.
"Just seems like you're back to your old ways, promising one thing then going and taking care of your mum to get out if it."
"I'm not trying to get out of anything Will, you know mum needs my help now. Please don't argue with me about this, I'm exhausted."
"and that's because you're working too hard. Madi, you're 18 next week and you've barely even realised it. does your mum know?"
"Of course she does." I scoffed.
"well has she mentioned it?"
"she's got a lot on her plate ok, she's busy."
" so she hasn't?"
"will please, just not tonight."
"fine, I'll speak to you soon?" He asked with an angry tone.
"same time tomorrow." I said, greeted with the cold sound of a dial tone as he immediately hung up, not even bothering to say goodbye. I just swallowed back the frown and carried on with my homework, doing anything to distract me from his words.
-
I didn't get the chance to see Will until Friday afternoon, only then it was with the knowledge that mum was safely at work until later that evening. So it gave me a few hours to go and see him as soon as I was let out of school.
My key jingled in his lock, making him look over towards me as he heard me come in. The sun was out so he'd made the most of it and was sat out on his little balcony, a beer in one hand and cigarette in the other.
"what's this?" I asked him, dropping my bag on the sofa. "I thought you quit." He just laughed to himself, the empty beer bottles by his feet only now coming to my attention.
"I changed my mind, come here I want a kiss." He smiled over his sunglasses as he leant his head back to me.
"no, you're drunk." I went back inside and flicked on the kettle.
"hey! I haven't seen you for fucking days, I deserve to at least kiss you." He called, his voice beginning to get angry.
"maybe when you've sobered up a bit and don't smell of smoke."
He staggered in, kicking the sliding door shut and slamming his drink on the counter. I didn't dare look over at him, and instead just busied myself with making a coffee for us both.
"Don't be such a fucking hypocrite." He hissed, his eyes boring into the back of my head as I stared at the mug in front of me. "look at me." I turned round, keeping my back pressed against the counter. The only sound between us being the water as it came to a boil.
"you should rest." I told him quietly.
"you smoke when you're stressed, so why can't I? I'm an adult, you're just a child. You cannot tell me what to do, you have no authority in my life!" He screamed, and I had to bite down on my cheek to stop myself from crying.
"Will, please, you're drunk. You don't mean that."
"I don't need you in my life, I've done all this on my own." He stood back and opened his arms, the sudden movement making him unsteady as he stumbled back into the side of the sofa. Cursing to himself as he fell a little.
"Just go lie down. Please." I begged him.
"fuck you." He spat and grabbed his beer, his steps heavy as he walked to his room. Slamming the door shut just as the first tear fell. It was my fault that he'd let himself get this way. I should've been there for him, not ignoring his calls because I was too tired.
-
It went quiet very quickly, which I presumed meant he was asleep, and when I went to check on him my suspicions were confirmed as he laid passed out across his bed. The drink he'd not finished having been tipped onto the floor as he'd dropped it out of his hand. I cleaned up and pulled the duvet over him, leaving a glass of water on his bedside table for when he woke up.
"Don't go..." he grumbled sleepily. "I-I don't like being here on my own.... it's sad." I just stroked his head until he drifted off for good and then left him a note to say that I'd gone home and would be back tomorrow at some point.
I took all the cigarette cartons that I could find and shoved them into the bottom of my schoolbag, thinking that they were most probably safer with me than him. Luckily his fridge seemed empty of anymore alcohol, and I doubted he'd get any by the time I'd be round the next day.
-
Mum seemed brighter when she got home, which was promising, but I still treated her all the same as if she wasn't quite alright. Making her sit down and drink some tea and have something to eat before she did anymore work on her laptop.
"can I borrow a pen, I think I left all mine at the office?" She asked, seeing my bag on the chair across the kitchen table. I was busy making dinner around her so just agreed, telling her to grab my pencil case. Her face dropped when the zip sounded and I suddenly remembered why.
"what's this Madi?" she asked sternly.
"uh-look I can explain."
"you better start, and fast too."
"I swear they're not mine, someone at school, they're having a problem quitting so I said I'd get rid of everything they have so they don't get tempted."
"someone at school?" she eyed me up as I stood nervously.
"yeah."
"is it Matt?" She asked, concerned.
"yeah it is, he didn't want you to know. In case you hated him." I lied, my hands shaking behind my back.
"Okay, just throw them away now so I don't have anything to worry about." She ordered me and took her things up to her room. "I'll be back down for dinner."
I threw out the empty ones, worried that Will might be pissed if I got rid of all of them. He was right too, they're my stress habit and as much as I hated it, I needed them to calm me down. I'd kick myself silly knowing that I'd gotten rid of so many free cigarettes just to please my mother.
-
When I woke the next morning, exhausted and groggy from a full on week, there were missed calls on my phone. All from Will.
"hello?" I said as I waited for his voice to reply when I rang him back. "you okay?"
