endearment (Jesse Lingard & Marcus Rashford)

The sequel | part 3

Delilah pov
For some reason something inside me tells me I should stay. So I do.
I want to hear him out, maybe the questions I've been asking myself the past year can all be answered now?
I refuse to make eye contact so I just stare at the coffee table in front of me.
He places his hands on his knees and takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry" is all he says.
I am shocked that he's actually apologising.
"It's fine at least I know I've always got you to let me down" I growl
There's a short silence.
"What are you sorry for?Thinking I cheated on you? Or the horrible things you said to me Jesse?" I ask tensing up.
"Both. I was an idiot. I didn't let you explain. It was a huge misunderstanding and I'm sorry I let it blow up the way it did" he says sounding hurt.
"And what about what you said to me?" I ask harshly.
I'm not going to make this easy for him.
"I was-" he trails off
He huffs and looks at the side of my face.
"You want me to be totally honest?" He asks
"Yes Jesse that's all I've ever wanted you to do!" I say slightly raising my voice.
I finally turn to face him.
He looks so hurt, confused and awkward at the same time.
"I was scared Lils, so scared" he says twiddling his fingers through nerves.
"I was feeling loads of emotions I didn't know how to control myself. I thought you did kiss Luke and you didn't love me anymore so I didn't want you to think I still did, I didn't want to look weak by being so hurt over one person. So I used insults as a defence to hide my pain. Stupid I know. You don't have to believe me but I've never felt love like it towards you" he admits looking uncomfortable.
"So you didn't mean any of it?" I ask shocked
"No. It broke my heart to see you that upset but you upset me when I thought you were cheating so I wanted to upset you too. Childish I know" he says rubbing his leg with his left hand.
"I appreciate your honesty but I don't know" I shrug.
He looks to the floor in defeat.
"You can't even stand to be in a room with me or look at me and it really hurts Lils" he says
I let out a loud laugh.
"You hate my guts I know and I understand why" he says rubbing his eyes.
Is he starting to cry? No surely not
"I could never hate you Jesse. I can't be in a room with you because it hurts too much." I say realising I've probably said too much.
I sigh in defeat
"Guess it's my turn to be brutally honest now" I sigh
He gives me a small nod.
"It hurts Jesse because- well... because... oh god. I'm going to regret saying this to you" I say placing my head in my hands.
He places his hand on my back to comfort me.
"Get off me" I demand
He removes his hand
"Sorry" he says softly.
"I can't be in the same room with you Jesse because You didn't even try to fight for me. The guy I thought that loved me didn't even try to keep me. And yeah I still  love you even though we haven't seen each other in a year, I know you don't have any of the feelings we had for each other remaining and that's what hurts. That's why I can't be in the same room with you" I say starting to cry.
"Man I promised myself to never let you make me cry again. Now here I am all weak in front of you whilst you're laughing inside" I say wiping my tears.
"I really don't know what to say" he says
"Ha you sure knew what to say that night" I say referring to the car park incident.
He looks hurt.
"I said I didn't mean that" he defends himself
"Whether you meant it or not you still said it and hurt me. Have a nice life with that Natalie chick, she seems all over you" I blurt standing up.
"But Delilah I-" he says but I'm walking away.
"I did try stop you!" He shouts standing up off the couch.
I stop in my tracks.
He what? No he didn't. He's lying. He's the one playing games not me.
I turn around, my legs feeling like jelly.
Why am I letting someone do this to me? Man I've gone weak and I'm not liking it.
"I did try" he says looking to the floor awkwardly.
I walk closer to him.
"How jesse?!" I yell
"I came to the airport. I came to stop you. I was shouting your name but you walked through the gate, I was then taken away by security" he admits. Sadness showing in his voice.
I am shocked.
"I really didn't want our 8 year friendship to end like this." He said taking my hands in his.
"Me neither but everything happens for a reason" I say sadly looking to the ground.
"I want us to work out again" he says looking down at my face.
"Now look who's playing games" I say
I snatch my hands away from his.
He looks confused
"I'm not going to be that girl Jesse. You are with Natalie and I don't want you to break her heart like you did mine" I say stepping back staring at his face.
"Can we at least be friends again?" He asks quietly.
I shake my head and laugh
"You don't get it do you!" I yell
"How much pain you've caused, the stupid shit I ended up doing because of what happened! You think we can just forget it all and move on and pretend like nothing happened?" I say, anger evident in my voice.
He doesn't say anything.
"I'm sorry I can't do this right now, it's all too much. I haven't heard from you in a year then all of a sudden you want to pretend like nothing every happened and we can go back to normal. We will never be normal again Jesse, you ruined that when you accused me of cheating. We will never be how we used to be... ever!" I say running up the stairs crying.
He chases after me.
Jesse pov
"Lils! Lils!"
"I'm so sorry! I really wish I could go back in time and fix this all I really do!" I yell chasing her up the stairs.
"A year too late Jesse" She says and slams the door to her room shut.
I really did fuck it up big time.
But she said she still loves me?
So we are in the same page, kind of.
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Do you think they will ever be friends?
Hmmm 🤔