Beautifully Flawed | Harry Styles [One Direction]

Chapter 16

When I was little my mother used to tell me that people always miss you the most when they see how much happier you are without them. As silly as it sounds, I never really understood what she meant until that very moment.

My mind had been focused solely on Harry, on the sensations he was giving me. My heart and body were aching for him. There was no-one else in my mind but him when that damn phone started ringing.

Out of all the moments he could have chosen to call, he had to do it then.

Still paralyzed by the whole situation, I only managed to stare at the ceiling while James kept rambling on his message about how much he wanted to sort things out with me. “Please, call me…” he finally said after his long speech and ended the call.

Wearily, I sat up and looked at Harry. He was now standing up from the sofa and looking on the floor for his t-shirt with a frown on his face. “Bathroom?” he asked in a monotone.

“Up the stairs. First door to your right.” I indicated and watched him drag his sleek body away.

Fuck. I sighed in frustration as I picked my clothes up from the floor. I could not believe James would have the guts to call me on my landline and leave that message. Who on earth did he think he was? What right did he think he had to do that, to call me and say that he loved me, that he had never stopped loving me?

Fuming, I put my bra and dress back on and walked to the kitchen. I could not comprehend how this had happened. I had avoided giving James an answer when he pressed me to meet for coffee. Damn, I even hung up on him! Had it not been enough? Clearly not. How could someone interpret what I did as a sign that everything was alright between us, that I had forgiven him or was willing to do so?

I put the kettle on and nervously paced the kitchen up and down, running my fingers through my hair and throwing my arms around in the air as I sighed in frustration. I hate him. I placed my hands on the worktop as I bent down in an attempt to calm down. I needed to calm down. I needed to stop feeling like that. He was ruining me; James was ruining me. I loathe him. My sight became blurry and my breathing intensified. Shit. He was going to ruin me again.

“Uhm, Leah…” I heard Harry behind me say. “I think I will go…” he added dryly.

My whole world was colliding. I did not want to, but I could not take it any longer. I was breaking down again and I knew not how to avoid it. I was furious. I was sad. I was confused. I was angry. Angry at myself. I pressed my forehead against my forearm and I squeezed my eyes tighter in an attempt to put every emotion away. My mind could not process the fact that with just three simple words, James still had the power to pull at my heart strings.

Harry’s feet dragged to where I was and I heard him speak. “Leah…” his voice was softer now. “Hey,” I sensed him standing beside me. “Listen, I don’t think I should stay...” he added quietly. “… unless you want me to stay.”

When my eyes met his I could not hold it in any longer. I was sorry that he was there seeing my emotional breakdown. I tried to speak but no sound escaped my lips. Instead, my eyes flooded. “I hate him.” I managed to blurt out. “So much.”

Without saying a word, Harry enveloped me in his arms and pressed me tight against his chest. He did not deserve to see me like that but then again, I could not help myself from reacting that way. The last thing I needed was to hear James say that he loved me. I didn’t want it; I didn’t want him. Not anymore. I wanted to be happy. Without him.

For Harry’s sake I had to stop crying and compose myself. He had nothing to do with every screwed up mistake from my past, nothing to do with the screwed up person James was. I could definitely not force Harry to deal with something he wasn’t responsible of.