Imitations of Immortality

When I wish on a star...

Hi um before you read this poem I'd like to let you know that its kind of personal, and It means a lot to me that you read it. All of what is mentioned in this poem are events that have happened in my life. Its not anything graphic, its just sort of like a letter I wrote to a certain person.

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I sit here and wonder, my thoughts run free.

I think to ask myself...

Did you ever really want me?

I know I'm not perfect, not like the dolls on your shelf.

Im not made of glass, but you act like you can see right through me.

This is a glass house so you dont have the right to try and preach.

You were my hero and sometimes still are, but if there's anyone I would want to be,

Its not you. You didnt practice the Ideals you tried to teach.

With your nicotine stained fingers and yellowed teeth...

I really wonder... you warn me away from drugs and alcohol,

While you shoot up in the bathroom.

I dont see you for a while, (Almost a full week) you dont even smile when you get back...

Just go to your room and fall asleep.

you never even saw me sitting up waiting for you.

And If you stick around... People I've never met suround.

Life goes from shitty to worse...

I dont know how to cope.

So what if when I left,

you tried to get better,

You called and we talked...

Nearly two years this October.

We stopped talking eighteen monthes ago...

And you message me on facebook, said that you missed me,

and you love me and hope to see me soon.

Well screw you.

I'm sorry, I know you're my mom but, Hell no.

I've played mommy to all my brothers and sisters, I look in to my sister's eyes and see your face.

Doesnt help that I look more like Dad than you.

But he went AWOL, too.

So you both screwed up and I understand.

But you didnt try hard enough.

Me and my siblings are split up in seperete homes, hoping to see eachother at least once this month,

Five of us say hello, well except Mathew, He still doesnt talk.

I guess you had things more important than us.

I'll be going now, I things to finish, loose ends to tie up

Oh and do you want the list?

Two years worth of six kids birthdays you missed,

plus christmas and the fourth of july and all those family events.

They say "we love you"

and I join in too.

I'll do anything for them. I guess I miss you,

and I cry late at night when only the stray cats outside my window can hear.

And when my friends talk about their moms being mad about something, I frown, not in sympathy, but longing.

Cuz that should be me and you, We should be like other moms and daughters.

So now if anyone wonders why I still wish on stars and birthday candles, They'll know the reason behind it all.

It's not that I wish for things to be how they were before,

its just the principle of the thing.

To be trusting in something other than myself.