Tales From Agrabah

• 18. The Marshmallow Experiment

• e i g h t e e n •

The Marshmallow Experiment

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Six years ago, I learnt about the marshmallow experiment during a Psychology class. We place a marshmallow in front of a child and tell them that if they wait for some time without eating it, they'll get another one. It was concluded that the ones who waited were better at "handling" life than the ones who chose to eat only one. It was based on years and years of study. The hypothesis even went as far as measuring the aggression levels of the child.

The crazy thing was, I tried this with my youngest sister and she said "I'm only going to eat one because it has a lot of sugar which is bad for the body." 😂 #misshealthconscious

And then, the only thing I could think of was: this is us and our trials. It's not as simple as this, but it does outline how our minds work. Constantly, our minds are simulated, we're always collecting all sorts of information. This is the trance of dunya, Shaitan has made it master the art of luring one's focus away from what's actually important. We are exposed to scenarios that require us to give into our desires.

People argued that each child may have a different reason, this is generalisation on a very big scale. If the child was poor, he wouldn't be sure if he'd like the marshmallow enough to want another. If the child was rich, perhaps he'd had too many. Perhaps he was greedy, perhaps he was impatient. We could never know. It's one of the biggest drawbacks of this experiment, based solely on the fact that all children like sweets and their eyes are bigger than their stomach.

And just like this, we all have different reasons and intentions for our actions. To generalise the action of someone when they haven't clarified it is wrong, at least in my opinion. It's true and unfortunate that a lot of people take this as an excuse, but that matter lies between him and Allah. Why do you think the courts of justice work on the basis of oral testimony? Because we can't get into people's heads for the truth, there's no choice but to believe.

Besides, all of us thrive in the ever-changing variable of time. It's hard to find your footing on a ground that trembles as easily as this one. For the ground that moves like waves creating disasters, how do we trust it so much? Isn't it equally possible for it to swallow us whole? For a life as temporary as this, we've wrecked quite a bit of havoc for ourselves. It's probably because of impatience, no one's ready to wait for the second marshmallow.

If you take the first one to represent the fitnah of this world; the more you look at it, the more you'd want to eat it. This is why we are told to lower our gaze, stop at the first step, get rid of the fitnah before it consumes you with its deception. Imagine if the child decided to turn his chair and sit with his back to the marshmallow, wouldn't it be easier to wait?

There is also the question of it being worthy in terms of quantity. Like my sister pointed out, two marshmallows may be too much sugar. It's not worth the damage. Sometimes, there are things that are harmful in excess, like the company of non-Muslim friends. They have an effect that sometimes makes you swim into dangerous waters. A few days ago on a group chat, one of my friend was a little upset, she said;

"Why don't you wish us for our festivals? We always do that for you."

This was after they had a discussion about the decoration and rituals, I was discreetly trying to avoid all of it. It was an exposure I had had before, and I knew how messy it could get. It took me a lot of thinking and paraphrasing of my answer to that question. Alhamdulillah, she understood after two long hours that I can't say "I congratulate you on disobeying Allah today", nor can I participate, encourage and wish her for things I do not believe in. It was a battle of respect and a stable society, one I believe we've both won in our own ways.

But the thing is, you get stuck in a tight spot when it's Muslims who "wish" you on random little weird things. I didn't know about half the holidays we have in this country owing to "Islamic belief systems". And the story behind it varies from house to house.

Forget that, when the matter gets as personal as birthdays and anniversaries, it's so awkward. Where do you hide when you have bid'ah gatherings at your own place? It's seen as rude and "uncultured" if you aren't present for the sake of everyone's happiness. It affects us, I know people who've become an essential part of the process, so much so that now it's an insecurity they carry around.

And I get it. It makes me wonder how hard it would be to achieve one of my dreams of creating a completely Islamic environment in the future... But, In Shaa Allah. ❤️

Coming back to the point, there's a special case with the marshmallows too; the scale of worth in the case of its taste. It's when we choose family; finding a spouse. The only kind of inspection, or "looking" that's allowed here is with a guardian. It's so we don't lose track of the purpose of it.

You know, it's not like there are people who don't have insecurities and problems, everyone does. It's a matter of how one handles them, and the thing with this kind of marshmallow is knowing about it, and analysing how it works. I mean, what if it was a tiny chocolate ball coated with marshmallow? (P.S. Is this a combination? 😱) The wise thing here too would be to wait, but without regrets. There's only one weapon of getting rid of the regret; du'a.

By the way, just for fun, if there are children around you, you can try the marshmallow experiment. And don't forget to let me know what they picked, and their reasoning. :P

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Jasmin A. 🌼