Tales From Agrabah

•19. A Feud With Feminism

• n i n e t e e n •

A Feud With Feminism

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It's true — I have a feud with feminism.

It's something I've been battling with for ages. I've heard too many concepts and taken too many u-turns. I believe it's time I finally put everything on paper and move on.

A few years ago, I read a post here which talked about why men were chosen as prophets — and not women. The answer is obvious: the prime purpose of a "prophet" is overruled when every month a woman can't indulge in apparent ibadah. The first step thus, in countering feminism, is to accept that men and women are made differently. Their purposes just don't (and can't) mix. It just sounds foolish when someone says "men do it, why can't women?".

I think people associate negative connotations to someone who doesn't believe fully in feminism. I am someone who isn't all up for it, but that doesn't mean I don't support working women — in fact, I most probably will be one myself in a few years, In Shaa Allah. We are living in a contemporary generation where the status of a woman is defined by her job / her wealth / her skills, even. But in Islam, the chapter of An-Nisa shows us how the religion gives us a much much higher rank.

Feminism is a gateway through which women actually degrade their status for a westernised lifestyle that doesn't promote their ultimate safety.

I read an article called "the bad feminist manifesto" by Roxane G, and it was eye-opening. I concur with all the issues she talks about — I believe that feminism is a kind of woman who is living the independent life and having it all. But we can't pretend that we don't have flaws if we do that, because our "ideal feminist lady" image tarnishes the moment we become a little human.

Don't get me wrong, as Roxane G says in her essay, "I am deeply committed to the issues important to the feminist movement too. I have strong opinions about misogyny, institutional sexism that consistently places women at a disadvantage, the inequity in pay, the cult of beauty and thinness, the repeated attacks on reproductive freedom, violence against women, and on and on." But we have added so many little nuances to the movement that it becomes exhausting and unsustainable and even harder than simply embracing who we are as women.

I don't understand why we must hate the colour pink to be a feminist, I love those beautiful shades. I don't get why picking plates up from the dining table has to be such a big deal — can't we do it out of love? I have this pressure to live to these ideals that if I don't I would be considered a "non-feminist" and someone against the entire movement. I don't want to work overtime just to prove that. I don't fancy jobs in high positions because my nature is such that I'd love to spend family time instead. Why is this viewed as such a backward thing?

I had a conversation with someone where I remember saying "if feminism is another name for justice, I'm up for it" — but it's not just that. I am tired of liberals trying to shackle me into these disguised, unsafe ropes of independency. Because it stops me from being a woman — it stops me from being fragile and soft and kind, and I don't like that. It tells me I must not rely on anyone, but I want to. I'd love to be a part of people's life in more ways than a boss lady.

Khadijah (radhiallahu anha) is an example many take to defend their stance that Islamic is pro-feminist religion. Allahu 'Alam, but I don't think that's entirely true — when you study the nuances and read between the lines of An-Nisa and the beautiful truths it talks about... You'll realise how infarcted our views are. There is no extreme, our religion is of the moderate view. It allows both to an extent that one doesn't harm the other. The interests of a woman aren't hindered, and only then will we be fighting for what true feminism should be.

Many people take pride in giving dowry — what the girl gives the guy (this is not from our religion, btw), and I think it's either insane or really foolish to say "I don't need mahr because I'm independent." I mean, the point is not the necklace the guy gives you — the point is the gesture! It's not there to show who is better in a relationship, but because that's how both find a deeply rooted calmness with the other person's dependencies and expectations.

This is why we have a balance in Islam, this is why women are seen as creatures of a much more higher rank than what feminism gives us — by being ourselves, it is enough, it should be enough. It is not wrong to be a "typical woman" because if that's how we were created, there's no denying that we find peace in being "just" a woman. Why don't we consider being a woman as a great thing in itself? We don't need the added tags of equality because there is no equal between men and women.

I cannot and will not deny the importance and absolute necessity of feminism — it has its perks because many people don't follow the guidelines of qur'an and sunnah. And like most people, I'm full of contradictions — and so are our definitions. I think it is unfair that we are made to follow such an unnatural path to take the Western feminism on our shoulders, because otherwise the world would not approve of it.

I can now finally breathe because I feel like I've defined it for myself according to the One who created women — and this is the beauty of women in Islam.

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Jasmin A.