The audience flooded in to escape the sweltering sun outside. Men and women shoved and rushed to claim the front row seats. The theatre was filled with a cool air of anticipation. Lights above dimmed as the audience hushed one another and settled down. Silence descended upon the hall. The show was about to start.
A hunched man in a white robe skulked onto the stage, his gnarled fingers twitching with each heavy step. Gold jewellery clinked as he walked. Light reflected off them to make him seem radiant. The man dragged himself onto a podium and acknowledged his spectators with a slight nod and half-awoken eyes. He scratched his grey, scruffy beard and sniffed the air. His bitter reaction accompanied by a gag from his neck implied that putrid odour roamed the room. The audience roared with laughter at his every movement.
He opened a bible before him as if he was about to give a sermon. Red and green light, as though it seeped through tinted church windows, made his face seem brilliant and his odd features all the more apparent. A dark mole stuck out from the crease of his nose. Sharp lines traversed his forehead like tilled soil. Eager watchers shuffled in their rickety, padded seats.
He rigidly straightened his back and cleared his hoarse throat. His mouth gaped wide open. Harsh, unintelligible grunts were made by a deep, raspy voice. Every few syllables were accentuated with a gesture of the head and flailing of the arms. He communicated through grunts of varying intonation and swiftly shifting from countenance to countenance. A sombre tone would be accompanied by an exaggerated frown and teary eyes. A jubilant one would be followed by ecstatic wiggling of the bottom. His actions were consistently met with deafening laughter. This continued on for an unsatisfactorily short hour.
The supposed pastor, after having finished his sermon, stooped impressively low to give a humble bow. The audience responded with thunderous applause and cheering. The joyful performer skipped off stage with large robes trailing behind. He left the audience with a simple parting gift: the sweet enjoyment of his odious fart.
