MG2018 - Ximen + Xiaoyou

Part 8

Ximen tried to concentrate on the lesson before him, but Xiaoyou's text message kept playing in his mind. It wasn't that he was expecting her to woo him with flowers and candy when she said she would prove him wrong about love. But he didn't expect her to disappear. Ximen, you might not hear from me for a while. After all this, I promise that everything will make sense and I'll be able to show you just how much I love you. You are in my heart always. Love, Xiaoyou.

It had been weeks since she sent him that message, and true to her word, she didn't reach out to him in any way. He resisted the urge to drop by Talent's Tea Shop, mostly because he knew he would hear an earful from Shancai, and he wasn't really in the mood for that. Instead, he found himself reading her text messages over and over, thinking about her, wondering what was keeping her away and what she meant. When he closed his eyes, he remembered the feel of her lips on his, and how it felt to hold her close. Her absence weighed on him heavily, and he felt like he wasn't himself.

"Ximen? Are you alright?" He looked up at Master Qi with a start. When he heard that his beloved tea master was in town, he seized the opportunity to have a private lesson with him aboard his ship. He thought that being in the middle of the ocean away from the world would keep him focused on the lesson, but he obviously thought wrong. His cheeks burned at the thought of wasting Master Qi's time, and he bowed his head and mumbled, "I'm sorry."

He heard Master Qi chuckle. "I haven't seen you this distracted since you were in high school," he commented, and Ximen looked up to see the old man smiling kindly at him. "You're all grown up now. Tell me, what's on your mind?" He sighed and found himself saying, "I can't stop thinking about her." Once he started, he couldn't stop himself from telling Master Qi all about Xiaoyou and how he had fallen for her. "And now you're afraid to let yourself love her because of what happened with your parents," Master Qi said matter-of-factly, and Ximen looked at him in surprise. His mentor really did know him well. "She said she would prove me wrong about love," he said, and Master Qi laughed. "I like her already! She's headstrong, just the kind of woman you need."

Ximen watched as Master Qi poured the tea and asked, "Do you see how the tea leaves need to be doused with hot water for their full potential to come out?" He nodded. "Think of yourself as the tea leaves." Ximen sighed, "I understand everything, Master Qi. I even understand what Xiaoyou has been saying to me. And I really want to try. But I can't seem to get rid of my fears." Master Qi sat back and looked at him. "What are you afraid of?" "Hurting her," Ximen answered automatically. Master Qi shook his head, "You're afraid of the wrong thing."

Silence weighed over them and Ximen took a sip of the tea before him. "I want you to close your eyes," Master Qi said, and Ximen obeyed. "Imagine yourself as an old man on your deathbed. Who do you see by your side?" Ximen couldn't help but see Xiaoyou by his side. Her hair was gray but her eyes were just as youthful as when he first saw her. She was surrounded by their children and grandchildren, and he couldn't help but smile at the thought. "Now, I want you to imagine Xiaoyou growing old with another man." All of a sudden, the scene in Ximen's mind shifted. He was on his deathbed, but he was alone. He turned his head to the side and looked over at the next bed where another old man lay, and he was surrounded by his family-- Xiaoyou, their children, their grandchildren. The thought of it brought a stabbing pain to his chest and he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He opened his eyes and saw Master Qi looking at him. "Do you see it now?" Ximen nodded and said, "I lost Xiaogeng because of my fear. I can't lose Xiaoyou over the same thing."

Master Qi nodded solemnly. "No one is saying it will be easy. Love will always be tested. You just need to believe that your love will be strong enough to weather the storms," he advised. Ximen nodded, and he knew that was the end of the discussion. Master Qi resumed his lesson and this time, Ximen was able to concentrate.

Later, Ximen stood on the deck as the ship made its way back to the port. He stared out into the darkness and thought of Xiaoyou. Master Qi was right-- the thought of losing her was the scariest thing he could imagine. It was finally time for him to stop being afraid. It was time to set himself free to be with the woman he loved.