Dreams (Zarry)

Chapter 6

Zayn took a deep breath, steadying himself. It had been so intense and felt so real, he could still feel Harry's lips on his skin, his heat, his fingers digging into his flesh.

He put a stop to those thoughts. He couldn't go back in to face his friends in this state. He took a couple of more breaths, finished his cigarette and slowly walked back into the coffee shop.

"Harry told me he loved me that night," he said once he sat back down and took another sip of his coffee. "Even though I believe he wasn't aware of it at that point. But that made me more confident in our relationship and the next day I admitted that I loved him," he said with a small smile. "Harry said he had been in love with me for years and I couldn't believe what I was hearing because I had felt the same."

Zayn sighed and thought about the words they had exchanged.

"That was also when we decided to talk to you guys. To let you know that there was more between Harry and I. You took it surprisingly well, even though Louis had to make his usual snarky remarks. It was something about no fucking on the bus or similar."

Louis laughed and I grinned at him.

Management started to suspect that there was something going on, but the boys tried to cover for us as much as possible. We had spoken to our families. We wanted them to be aware of our relationship as our families were a very important part of our lives and we wanted to share our joy with them.

I had been very afraid of that though. Especially telling my dad. I had absolutely no idea how he would react to news like that. He wasn't aware of the fact that I was actually gay as I never had spoken about my sexuality with them. I knew that my mum suspected something, but she had never said anything.

Harry was by my side the whole time and I knew I would have him no matter what happened. It would be devastating to have a divide in my family because of that. But in the end I needn't have worried. Both my parents were incredibly supportive. And on top of that they adored Harry and told me that I couldn't have chosen any better in a boyfriend.

That was the first time anybody, even us, had used the word boyfriend to refer to Harry and me. I grinned from ear to ear at that point.

We had a few days off and had visited both of our families to talk to them, but halfway through our off time we decided to get back to London and spend some days alone in one of our apartments. The boys knew to leave us alone during that time and when management tried to contact us they covered for us perfectly.

We decided to just stay at my place and I couldn't wait to have Harry there all to myself. I wanted to cook for him, wanted to cuddle with him on my couch, wanted to tangle with him on my bed. I wanted to see his hair spread around his head on my pillow.

I didn't say that last bit out loud. I didn't want to get into how I had fucked Harry into my matress over and over again during those few days we had together. We never left the house, had everything we needed right there, just the two of us.

What I wanted to share with my friends though was how my dream ended. It was the worst part of it and I knew it would get emotional.

"We had the time of our lives," I said. "For a while at least."

I didn't look up, but knew that my friends were looking at me, enraptured, wanting to know what happened. I kept staring into my coffee cup, now almost empty.

I had felt this coming for a while now. I knew I wasn't feeling good. I knew I had problems. Harry was always the one to help me through the issues. He was there for me when my anxiety took over and threatened to cripple me. He was there when the label rejected my songs for our fourth album. That had been a terrible blow and it was very difficult on the both of us. Harry had tried to get approval for a hiatus, for a long break of the band. I knew he was doing it for me, just as well as I knew that he was still enjoying the touring and the band. But I couldn't do it anymore. Harry knew how I was feeling and he had convinced me to stay a few times before. I tried. I really did, but that last night on stage I just knew it was over. Nobody knew that it would be my last night performing with the lads. I hadn't even told Harry, because I knew how he felt and because I was a coward. I had told them that I needed some days off and that I wanted to go home and see my family. Harry might have had a suspicion, but I couldn't tell for sure. He was sad of course to see me leave, but it was ok, because he thought he would see me again back on the asian leg of the tour.