The Beginning of the End (Allyson)

Chapter 5

        I continued to watch the patterns of light fly past my face as I attempted to process everything. I kept replaying the events passed over and over again, my imagination creating thousands of paths for how things could've gone. Hundreds of roads where she came back safe with us, and I'd walked the one where I froze. I couldn't get the expression on her face out of my head. I'd never seen Gamora so vulnerable, so afraid to make another move.

Swallowing another wave of tears, I pushed myself away from the glass and trudged my way into my room. My eyes wandered around, and a strange sensation took over me. I somehow felt lost, as though I suddenly forgot what my life had been like before Thanos took Gamora. None of us ever had a routine, but there were little things we'd do regularly. Now, it was like none of it existed in the first place.

Somewhere in my mind, I registered that someone had come up behind me, but the rest of me refused to react. I just stood there, looking around like I'd never seen this room before.

"Allyson?" I barely turned my head around, not wanting to look Peter in the eyes.

"I feel... like I failed." My voice garbled in my throat, barely reaching a volume above a desperate whisper. "Thanos was right."

"What?" He stepped forward and rested a hand on my shoulder, trying to bring my gaze up to him. "How could you possibly believe one word that freak said?" My arms crossed over my stomach.

"Gamora expected too much of me," I answered, shrugging for a reason I couldn't quite explain. "I wasn't strong enough to kill her. My emotions got in the way."

"Ally, any one of us would have hesitated." I wanted to believe what he was saying, but I couldn't keep the words Thanos had said from bouncing around in my mind.

"She looked me right in the eyes and asked me to kill her," I spat out, facing the wall while addressing Peter. "That's why I was so upset when you came in."

Finally gathering my strength, I whipped around and looked dead at the man behind me. His concerned expression quickly switched to one of shock as I stared him down.

"Do you know what that's like? To have someone look at you with love and trust— someone you cared about deeply— and have them say 'I need you to kill me'? Do you have any idea the sort of repercussions that has on the human psyche?"

My voice rose to unheard levels as I began to back Peter out of the room. Up until this point, I'd been a generally quiet person, only having to slightly speak up when scolding. Now, my hysteria had risen past the point of no return, and I no longer had control of my volume. To hell if everyone else heard. This shit needed to be said!

"She trusted me to do that. Gamora trusted me to be able to live with that blood on my hands, that memory in my head. And you know what? I genuinely thought I could. For once in my life, I thought I could be brave and just do it. But no! I watched as tears ran down her face, as she gasped and pleaded for me to shoot her, and I couldn't. And by the time I finally grew a pair, Thanos figured me out and used that damn stone against me! And now he has her, and for some reason she couldn't tell me, we're all screwed!"

Peter continued to stare as he stood on the other side of the threshold. I couldn't read his expression—it was likely a mix of several things— and he didn't even try to open his mouth. With a slight weight lifted off my chest, I reached for my blade and marched past his gawking figure, determined.

"Uh, Allyson? Where are you going?" Peter called after me.

"We're going after Gamora."

I heard his pair of footsteps following me, and I didn't manage to get far before Peter wrapped one of his hands around my wrist and spun me around, as though me looking at him would somehow stop me.

"Ally, I get you're upset, but we need to think this through." I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms again. "Are we really equipped to take on Thanos?"

"I don't think we have time to ask that question, Peter. From how desperate Gamora sounded, we're probably on a pretty short leash." He sighed and slowly let go of my hand, but I knew he wasn't done yet.

"I just think you should take a moment to clear your head, Allyson. I don't want you to go all in for this and--" My anger bubbled again.

"And screw something up?" He turned red.

"Well, I-I wasn't gonna say that, but..." He trailed off and suddenly refused to meet my eyes.

"But you were thinking it." I scoffed and threw my arms up. "Unbelievable. Aren't you supposed to support me?"

"Well, under normal circumstances, yes. But you're really not thinking here, Allyson. Trust me, you'll end up regretting something because you just acted before thinking." I balled my hands into fists and glared at him.

"I don't care. We don't have time to just sit and think things through."

I marched past him and into the main area of the ship. Peter was being ridiculous. He didn't understand the gravity of the situation like I did, and there was only so much I could convey to him. Besides, Thanos had two and a half reality stones at this point. He was more powerful than Gamora, and everyone else in the universe, at this point, and if we didn't do something fast, he'd be able to find the others.

"Allyson?"

I turned and came face to face with Mantis, her antennae glowing as she looked at me with worried eyes. She couldn't sense moods without touching someone, but I'm sure my frantic mindset was an easy thing to read from my face.

"What troubles you?" Drax asked, stepping up to dwarf Mantis' tiny figure.

"We need to go after Gamora," I seethed. "She's in danger and we need to rescue her."

I turned on my heel and walked into the cockpit, trying to find the navigation system. I wasn't quite sure what we'd be tracking, but I knew we'd find her somehow.

"Does anyone know what we're looking for, exactly?"

"Allyson, you don't even know where the planet is and you're trying to find it." Peter approached me very slowly, as though he were worried I would suddenly attack him. "I really think you just need to slow down, and--"

"Is this how you would be if I were in her shoes?" I knew this was a dirty tactic, but if I could guilt him into going along with this, it might work. "Would you wait around and try to think of something, no matter how long it took, before coming to help me?"

His eyes bounced around my face, and I could tell he knew what I was doing. But at this point, I didn't care. After a few moments, he sighed and shook his head.

"I can't believe you."

"You're stuck with this, love."

"But it doesn't matter. I don't know how to find her, babe."

"Mantis, listen very carefully." We all turned our heads to see the green clad girl looking at a projected image of... Nebula? "I need you to meet me on Titan."

I smirked at Peter.

"Ask her for the coordinates."