Sister squad

Pause on pride

Why am I so nervous. I have been around this guy for the past 3 years. Yet I'm shaking not from last night but because I am scared of what might go down. I don't know if I still like him. Or even love him. I took a deep breath as I heard the faucet running and dishes clanging together softly. Grayson shirtless appeared, he saw me and smiled slightly.

"Good morning" he said

"Good morning" there was obviously a weird and awkward tension. I started to regret even coming to talk to him. I should've have just let Ethan go and be my messenger like in the 7th grade. All my words were lost as I acted as if I came to the kitchen to do something and not talk to Grayson. I ended up grabbing a cup and filling it with water. Say something. Say something. SAY SOMETHING. My brain was screaming at me, my mouth unable to say anything. I walked out of the kitchen and right back to Ethan's room. He didn't say anything either. He probably didn't want to make things worse. I walked into the room. Ethan looked at me confused.

"That was quick"

"I didn't say anything"

"Are you stupid. Why"

"What do I tell him, hey, I really like the sex we had, wanna do it again." I Said taking a drink from my water I didn't even need.

He laughed. "You're so awkward"

"Okay slick guy. What do I say"

"I don't fucking know, he's my brother."

I groaned and put the water on his night stand and let myself fall onto the bed face first. We kept a comfort silence, my mind was thinking of what to say to him. Why is this so hard. Jesus.

"Sooooo, do you like Grayson" Asked Ethan

I scoffed. "Of course I do"

"Do you, like, like him"

"I don't know what you're going with that."

"Oh my god. Do you love Grayson"

"I don't know. It's- i-" Ethan gave me the look -as in you dumb bitch you do- "you know what, why even try. Like it's- no. We are done. That was a one time thing. It's not happening again"

"Mmmmm"

"It's not happening again"

"Okay"

"It's not"

"Yup got it"

"It's not"

"Are you trying to make me believe it or yourself"

I hit him with a pillow.

"Hey, if it DOES happen again. I won't be surprised"

"Fuck you Ethan"

He laughed. "I am going to get water."

"There is water right here"

"That's awkward water"

I laughed and he walked out. My thoughts went crazy. You don't love him. Yes you do. Nope. Yeah. You do. Even myself tells me I do. Jesus.

"Hey Ethan, I am going to James, see you later"

"Okay. Be careful"

"Bye ana" I heard Grayson say

Haven't heard that in a while. He usual stays quiet when I say goodbye. It went completely quiet.

"Good bye Grayson" I closed the door. I said two words to him. What the fuck is wrong with me. I am an actual asshole.