You look so beautiful today
they tell her and I agree.
Then they tell me hi, and
I smile and say it back.
When I get home I'll
probably think about it a lot
and no one will really get why.
I'll want to skip dinner
but I won't because I can't
convince myself it'll help yet.
Sometimes I stupidly wish I could.
I try to be consistent with what I want
but I break down in tears most weekends
and wish it was easier to look like her
I'm so fat
She says.
I look at her flat stomach
and tiny arms.
I wish fat looked like that for me.
I say no you're not
You're pretty they tell me
when I beat myself down on the occasion.
I look in the mirror at my tear strained face, my chubby stomach, my big arms.
you look so beautiful today
I say, I don't think it's true.
- A
