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Listening to the rain hit my window I sat and drank my thoughts away.
"Jerome you need to get up, you reek for crying out loud." Sonja snatched the now empty Hennessy bottle out of my hand. "I know you're hurting but you've been drunk since that night and three bottles a day? I may be your little sister but I will crack the next bottle upside your motherfucking head my nigga."
I smiled lazily at her and reached under my bed, grabbing another bottle and then that's when the one she had in her hand connected with my jaw. Feeling the blood ooze from my mouth I stared at her in shock that she'd just cracked my shit. "Y-you just-"
"Did what I said i was going to do. Bitch i'm calling mom and dad." She huffed and grabbed the bottle I tried to open and opened it pouring it all over me. "You know dad use to have this problem and nearly died and you - you" She burst into tears and I tried to touch her but she backed away. "You're basically my father Jerome, and you want to kill yourself? Go ahead I don't need you." She started to walk out but paused as I stood and began to trash my room.
"Do you get to hold your son and love him everyday?" I asked her bitterly. "Do you enjoy the moments where his face lights up when you enter his line of vision huh?" She jumped. "Right.. you have your son and I don't, I never got to know him or hold his little hand. I never got to be the father to him that dad was to us!!! Dad will never get to bond with him how he does with Amir's perfect little ass." My voice cracked and I just pushed over my dresser letting everything crash onto the floor. "You get to be a mother at seventeen and I can't be a father to my son so you tell me what the fuck you know about being hurt huh?"
"You're speaking as if you resent my son now and--" Sonja backed into the wall and I just looked at her throwing the lamp at the wall close to her head. "Jerome please calm down, you're scaring me."
"Just get the fuck out." I snapped at her and she burst into more tears running out and I didn't care at the moment, but I knew I would regret how'd I came at her.
I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees and sobbed. It had been four days since I'd found out about my first born and I blocked everyone out, I didn't want to speak to no one about it. So, I turned to liquor and drunk at least two bottles a day since the news was shared with me. I knew it wasn't healthy but a part of me felt like it had died hearing how my son was lynched for his skin color.
A son I knew nothing about, A son I would of been the best father too because I had that growing up. I was devastated that all I had was pictures from summer of when he was first born and his birth date. That's all. Hs was junior-- MY junior and no one understood this pain I was feeling. Especially being lied to about him only to find out he was killed before you could bond with him? It was fucking with my mental and I was hurt.
