The Spirit Guardians Book 4: Liberated

Chapter 17

Irene's legs were tucked under her as she sat on the floor, racing a plastic car against the carpet with Elijah. He giggled as she raced her car alongside his.

"Watch out! I may beat you!" she teased, sliding her blue car even faster across the carpet. Elijah chased after her. She slowed down her movements, watching as his car came to a halt.

"I won!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "I won, Irene!" His eyes shone a bright blue as he cheered. Irene could see herself in them. She wished his hair had been blonde like hers, not brown like his father's, but she had to acknowledge he would look some like Miguel regardless. It only mattered that he did not act like his father, she supposed, and Cassie and Marc had done a good enough job to make sure that wasn't the case.

"Why you quiet, Irene?" Elijah asked.

Irene wished he'd call her by her title. She wanted to hold him again and kiss his cheeks and run her fingers through his hair like she had done when he was a baby. Times were different now. She no longer felt like she could completely call Elijah hers.

"I—" She began to answer when Cassie stepped into the living room.

"Time for a quick nap, Elijah," Cassie instructed.

"Okay, Mommy," he said, standing up and walking over to her. Cassie lifted him in her arms and stared at Irene. "Say bye-bye," she told Elijah quietly.

He waved his hand back and forth as he smiled. "Bye, bye! We play later, okay?"

"Okay," Irene said, sinking back down onto the heels of her feet. She watched Cassie carry her child away, wishing that could be putting him down for a nap. She wouldn't mind napping beside him, just so she could see his adorable sleeping face that she missed so much.

Irene's legs splayed out under her as she sat on the carpet. She found her body quivering slightly. Trying to distract herself, she began to pick up Elijah's stray toys, but she couldn't keep down completely the cry within her. Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes.

Back in the headquarters, she thought this would be the best decision of her life. She would see her son and Lillian again. She'd feel the spark of love she had been missing. But those dreams had proved wrong as soon as she'd arrived.

She had thought she would get better with time. She was on a speaking basis with mostly everyone, besides Mitsuki, who shot her a glare every time they were in the same room. Irene thought she could handle Cassie and Marc acting as parental figures toward Elijah. She thought she could handle Lillian being in love with someone else, but it was slowly eating her away.

She found herself in that same dark place again. Irene felt more alone in a cabin surrounded by all her past colleagues than she ever had before. She hated this feeling. She had left the headquarters to escape from it, but it had only followed her here.

The toy basket was full again. It was too cold outside for a walk, and Irene didn't like to linger in her room too much. It was easier to prove she was okay if she was out and about the house.

Irene wiped a few stray tears. She needed a drink. Alcohol was a rare commodity in the headquarters. The elites were usually the ones who drank it, though she knew Miguel and his friends had a secret stash on account of the nights he came home drunk. She had certainly smelled the stench on Lynch's lips that very day she had fled.

The others were scattered in other rooms or upstairs, leaving Irene to mope around in the kitchen. Not sure what she wanted to drown her sorrows in, she grabbed an armful of drinks and retreated to her room. She needed something to numb the pain, something to block these negative thoughts.