I want you to imagine this situation. Settle yourself and breathe. Relax for a moment. Let's begin.
You are having your depressive episodes. All you can feel is the emptiness and darkness around you. You feel the pain, like a hole, that digging into you and sucking up your insides. You open you drawer and take the small wooden box in which you keep your blades. You pick the new one. It still has traces of blood in it. You don't think. You just take the blade and walk into you bathroom. You are wearing a red sweatshirt and grey track pants.
You close the door, not lock it. You take one look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes are swollen from crying and your face is red. You get into the tub and open the tap. You stare at the water bubbles on the tub as it fills up. You are sitting the tub and the water is filling up. Your clench your left fist and your right hand holds on to the blade like it's the only that can save you.
You take a deep breath and go inside the water. You let out your breathe. Your lungs feel the pressure. Your eyes are wide open. You can see the blurred lights. You can feel the cold water in your nose. You don't let it go further, so you get your head out of the water. Your hands are still clenched. You rest your arms on the sides of the tub. You take your final breathe and say "I'm sorry". You take the blade on your right hand and touch the visible veins on your wrist.
Suddenly, you hear a small broken voice. "Honey, are you in the shower? We are waiting for you to join us in dinner, love". Your heart breaks the moment you hear that voice. Youi breakdown into sobs. Between those sobbing, you say "I will be there, mom". You get out of the tub. Close the tap and run to your mom. You are still drenched in water. You hug her and she hugs you back. She does not ask you why. She knows that you are going through some bad days. she gets you the help you need and gives you the love she can. She know you are trying to get better.
End of imagination
How did that feel? It was a part of my experience. My 6th suicide attempt.
YOU ARE READING
Lost in the Darkness
Non-FictionHave you ever felt so sad and numb that happiness seemed to be a stranger? Have you ever felt like a stranger, in your own body, your own life? Have you ever felt as lonely as the only person in a closed library even when you are in a place like Ta...
