Stardust

Jack was staring into his empty glass. He could order another one, but he just didn't feel like it. His body prevented him from getting drunk, which was quite useful from time to time, but right now he just wished the alcohol would do its job and make him forget, at least for a few minutes.

In moments like this he cursed his immortality the most. Torchwood, his whole life and destiny, was history now. And for once in his endless life, Jack didn't care. He didn't care about the rift and its consequences. About the danger it still was for the people in Cardiff. Because for once in his life he needed time for himself.

He had managed to cope with a lot of things over the years but now he reached a point where he just needed a break. He was tired of life. Tired of smiling and playing the hero. Even tired of getting someone for the night. A quick relief wouldn't help him. Not today. Maybe never again.

"All alone tonight? Doesn't seem like you."

Jack didn't even have to look to his right to know who sat down there just now. He'd recognize that Scottish accent anywhere.

"Doctor." He needed a second to look at him and give him a huge smile. "What are you doing in a bar on Clom?"

"Could ask you the same. I thought you were... settled."

Jack made a vague shrug. He really didn't want to talk about it.

"But the problem with you is, that I never know how many time has passed for you."

"If that's a compliment about my looks, then it's very welcome." Jack managed to do a flirty grin.

"I wouldn't say so." The Doctor shook his head.

"How rude." Jack emptied his glass.

"So, there is a bomb under this bar and it will explode in about a minute." The Doctor turned in his chair, ready to get up. "I could use some assistance."

It felt good. The adrenaline was rushing through Jacks body when his disabled the bomb about two seconds before its detonation. Hanging head first down from the ceiling, the Doctor holding his legs, he looked up and gave him a thumbs up with a big grin. When the Doctor tried to pull him up again he accidentally put off one of Jack's shoes which resulted in him losing grip and Jack falling. The last thing Jack saw was the floor coming closer and closer.

When Jack opened his eyes again, he found himself laying in a bed, the Doctor sitting next to him with an excusing smile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to kill you."

Jack sat up, rubbing his aching head. "At least I didn't blow up. Have you got my shoe?"

The Doctor nodded to Jack's pair of shoes which was standing next to the bed. "Would you survive it? Blowing up?", he asked. He didn't sound concerned, more curious.

Jack really didn't want to think about the last days, but he answered honestly. "Yes. Been there done that. Don't need that again."

"And what about floating in space?"

Jack sighed. "Would be nice, I guess. Eternal oblivion."

"I'd never forget you."

Jack looked at the Doctor who gave him a light smile and a pat on the shoulder.

"Doctor... is there a way to get mortal again?"

"I'm afraid, I don't think so. At least no one I know."

Jack nodded. "Where am I though?"

"Inside the TARDIS of course."

"Don't know this room."

"It has many rooms."

"Of course, it has." Jack stood up. "So, where does the journey go?"

"Earth. I'm bringing you home. I won't stop in Cardiff though."

"Doctor... I'm in no hurry to go back to earth. Maybe we could make a little detour."

"A detour?" The Doctor tilted his head. "Where to?"

Jack shrugged. "Surprise me."

"Any wishes?"

"Something nice. Disarming bombs is funny but I'd like to have a break."

"Okay. But you know that the TARDIS doesn't like you very much."

"Hey, it was her who penetrated me and left. I'm innocent." Jack lifted his arms.

"That's your cup of tea in normal occasions though."

"I never left without saying goodbye." Jack crossed his arms. "Different from other people in this room."

"You're a little thuggish today."

Jack sighed. "Look, all I want is a trip. You do trips all the time. So... trip on."

"Alright." The Doctor shrugged and left the room. Jack followed him after putting on his shoes through the long hallway to the well-known TARDIS console room.

The sound of the time-machine filled Jack's heart with melancholy. This was where it started. Where he started. So many lives ago.

"Open the door." The Doctor snapped Jack out of his thoughts. He walked to the police box doors and opened them. Outside was no planet, no land, nothing but a sparkling galaxy.

"That's no place.", he said.

"It once was." The Doctor stepped next to him. "But that was millions of years ago. Now it's just stardust. And it's beautiful."

"It is." Jack smiled a little as he watched the dying stars.

"It is like you. Already dead. Yet still alive and beautiful."

"Did you just call me beautiful?"

"I deny that, and you can't prove me wrong."

Jack looked at the Doctor. "Why are you showing this to me?"

"Well, to be honest, I'd love to have a trip with you as my companion, travel to time and space..." the Doctor laughed and shook his head. "But I'm dying. I have to regenerate soon."

"So what?"

"I won't be the same. This..." He made a vague gesture with his hands. "...will die. Regeneration isn't just a change of look. It's a change of everything. You're a different person and the last You is just a fading memory... I don't want to go."

Jack wrapped his arms tightly around his friend and closed his eyes. "I want to go. But we can't have what we want. That's how life works. We must make the best out of what we've got while it lasts. And you were the best."

The Doctor returned Jack's hug slowly. "You're an extraordinary person."

"That's your fault."

The Doctor shook his head. "You've always been."

"I was a scallywag. A phoney. Good for nothing."

"And now you're Jack Harkness, immortal leader of Torchwood. I think you did pretty good too."

Jack shook his head. "Torchwood is history."

"What happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about. I just need a break. That's why I wanted to come with you. To forget it for a while. But every time I close my eyes..." Jack shook his head again.

"I know how you feel. We've both seen too much. Lost too much. Done too horrible things to be forgiven."

Jack and the Doctor looked at each other in the light of the dying stars. Both full of pain and regret, both alone and afraid. Then Jack leaned in to kiss the Doctor. Something he wanted to do for a long while now. He didn't move away, didn't tell him to stop it. Not this time.