𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀

三

➳ 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐚𝐰

[ n. ] a repetitive game that you called love.

"what was it like when we began to lose each other?"

a bitter laugh slipped past my lips when you asked me this as i looked up at you.

you stared at me with those eyes that once melted me yet my cold exterior no longer cracked.

we stood a few steps apart from each other and assessed ourselves as the tears we poured every night came to a halt.

our hearts beated at different rhythms as our eyes began to see different colours.

as i looked back on it, i noticed it.

i finally noticed all the warning signs that blared right in front of us.

though it wasn't there at the start since our beginning consisted of nothing but pure love between us which i thought was how it would stayed.

but as the ride began to get repetitive, the same could be said for our arguements that seemed to turn into our daily routine.

we could never be stuck in the same room without the tension reaching its' peak as the silence always lingered between us and carried itself wherever we went.

the constant slamming of doors and the ear piercing screams that slipped out of our throats were the only things that we knew at that point.

we continuously picked at each others' flaws with no remorse and threatened to break off the relationship yet we always found a way back to each other.

as the fights got worse, i constantly asked myself why do we hurt ourselves by staying in this game that we called a relationship.

we both knew that we were reaching the climax yet we still held on because we cared for each other.

yet it only seemed like the pure love that we had once was tainted with the stains that our malice had imprinted as a sign of our regrets.

if we didn't love each other anymore, there would be no reason to drag this on and on.

but the fear of being lonely was what kept us together despite the happiness we once had no longer existed between us.

we were simply a mess who had no idea of what we were possibly bringing ourselves into.

what use was it that we put effort in loving each other if we didn't how to love ourselves?

exactly, there was none.

there was no use in dragging this game on as we both knew that this decision was for the best.

there was nothing else that could stop me from getting off this ride, not even you.

your words that once brought me warmth had lost its' effect a long time ago while your touches that i once craved was something that made me loathe my own skin.

a sad smile appeared on my face as i remembered how i walked onto this with you by my side with our hands interlocked and a genuine smile that reflected our happy memories.

but now,

i'm getting off this seesaw without you.