Soldier

Moving Parts

Brian McCook's POV

We arrive at Brian's apartment and I'm struck by how much I missed being at his place. Everything has remained the same - the video games on the floor, blonde wigs peeking out from the open door of his drag room, and pictures of us decorating his bookshelf. His apartment feels just as much a home to me as mine does, and without a second thought I head to his bedroom, still holding his hand.

"Tonight was really good for me." I said, sitting on the bed and pulling Brian to sit beside me. "I was really scared that the girls would walk on eggshells around me and like tiptoe around the whole thing and I was just really happy to feel normal again."

"I'm so happy to hear you say that. I was just so grateful to see that these people care for you so much and to know that we have this group of friends that will stick by you through everything." Brian answers, and I can tell how sincere he is being. This man always thinks about me, always wants what is best for me and can be so selfless it astonishes me time and time again.

"Are you glad we're keeping things to ourselves for now, or were you uncomfortable tonight?" I ask him, really wanting to know how he felt because I care for him just as much as he cares for me and I would never want to put him in a difficult situation.

"On the one hand I am extremely happy that we're going to keep this on the down low for now because no matter how close we were as friends, a lot of this is brand new for us and I just want you to be as happy as I can make you and for you to feel safe at all times. On the other hand, all night long I just wanted to be able to hold your hand and hug you and kiss you and I hated not being able to do it, you know?"

"Oh, I know exactly how you feel." I answered, because I truly did. I couldn't take my eyes off Brian all night long, and I kept finding myself reaching over and then retrieving my hands. "But, you know, there's nothing stopping us now."

"Words of wisdom Barbara." He laughs, and leans to kiss my lips softly. There's something about his kiss that feels almost coy, as if he is becoming extra aware of the fact that we are on his bed for the first time as a couple. Brian and I have always had different approaches to sex and sexuality, with mine being more open and fluid and him generally preferring to take things more slowly. I want him to know that we can take this as slow as he wants, and that to me he is unlike any man I have ever been with before. This isn't about sex, it's so much more.

I cup his face in my hands and look into his beautiful eyes. "Brian, you do know we don't have to do anything right? I mean, I just want you to know that we can take sex off the table for as long as you want and until you feel ready."

"It's just that... If we do sleep together it will make this all the more real and if god forbid anything happens to you again I won't be able to recover from that." He looks down as he says these things, and I can hear the pain in his voice. I know how much I hurt him during my meltdown and I never ever want to cause him that amount of pain again. I put my hand under his chin so he would look at me again.

"Listen, being with you feels like that puzzle piece that has been missing all along just finally slid into place. And I'm not good with words like you are, I want to sleep with you because I feel like that would be the purest way for me to express how I feel about you. Because I love you." His eyes widen when I say that last sentence. We have told each other we love the other about a million times, and yesterday that we're in love with one another, but this is the first time I told him in the most straightforward way how I feel inside. And I do love him. I love him with every old bone in my body, with every labored breath that I take and increasingly more every time I simply look at him.

Finally, Brian takes my face in his hands and brings our lips together. His tongue enters my mouth freely and it feels so soft and warm that I moan into his mouth. Kissing Brian feels absolutely transcendent. As our tongues battle and our kiss becomes more heated, Brian tugs at my shirt and I life my hands so he could take it off. Next, I take his shirt off, and as soon as I do he attaches his lips to my throat, scattering kisses like wildfire. He reaches down to my pants as he begins to suck on the point where my neck and shoulder connect. I'm in such a bliss that it takes me a few seconds to realize he's tugging at my pants. I lift my hips so he could take them off, but he does one better and pulls them down along with my underwear. The next thing I know, Brian is kneeling in front of me and has my dick in his hand. He looks straight at me as he licks me from base to tip and then takes me into his mouth and he looks so fucking hot doing so I nearly combust. Brian starts to work his way up and down my hard cock and it feels absolutely heavenly. I put my hand on his head and he moans his approval around me, sending shivers through my entire body. I feel like I have gone to heaven, but I want to touch and kiss him too.