Soldier

Forever Baby

Brian Firkus' POV

It's the last day of tour and like every morning this past week, I have woken up in the arms of the man I love. It feels strange that we had been able to make the jump from friendship to relationship so easily, but then again, our friendship was never an ordinary one. This morning we decided to shower separately, because we need to meet the queens for brunch and there was no way we'd make it on time if we shower together. After some languid morning kisses I went to shower, and now Brian is showering while I'm getting dressed. The thought of him naked in the next room surely doesn't leave my mind, but I know that we have to try harder to conceal our relationship than we have been so far. Jerick caught us kissing the very first night Brian was here, and yesterday we discovered via text that our noises can be heard through the wall separating our and Roy's room. "You two sound like national geographic when you're boning." Was all he wrote, and upon reading the text we replied with a picture of us making pouty faces, asking him to keep it to himself. He agreed, of course, but this game was getting risky.

I reach down to my luggage to pull a pair of jeans and a t-shirt when I suddenly spot a red bag at the bottom of Brian's luggage. I know that bag, it's his emergency drag kit, in case he needs to suddenly whip out a new part of his costume or just a different one altogether. I decide, against my better judgement, to open the bag. Inside I see stockings, his black and white romper, black heels, a wig, make up, and all the other necessities. I immediately wonder what this means. Brian has come to every show we hosted since joining us, and he seemed to enjoy every minute, but does that mean he's considering going back to doing drag? Admittedly, it had been a month since he came back from rehab and he took his break from the business even much before that, but I worry about the fact he hasn't told me he's been feeling this way.

I think doing drag again might be wonderful for him. Despite the fact being in the spotlight brought a lot of unfamiliar stress into his life, it had also been a great artistic release and fulfillment for him. Apart from that, I think it would be incredible for him to see again just how many people love him and look up to him, especially after being so bravely open about his personal struggles.

I close the bag just before he exists the shower and when he comes out, with a towel wrapped around his waist, I know I have to bring this up. "Baby?" I say softly.

"Yes dear?" He asks with his Barbara voice, going over to his luggage to get dressed. I'm nearly too distracted by the sight of his now bare ass as he bends down to pick clothes, but this is more important... For now.

"I noticed that you brought your drag kit with you." I start, and his back tenses as he pulls on his underwear and pants. "Are you considering going back to doing drag?"

He turns around slowly at my question and I can see the cogs turning in his mind. "Do you think it's a terrible idea?" He asks me, and I can tell he's anxious to hear what I have to say. I get up so I could wrap my hands around him and sooth him by stroking his back.

"I think it's a great idea if you're ready for it. It's our art form, and going a long time without making art is not good for the soul. Were you scared I would think it's a bad idea?"

He sighs with what seems like relief and wraps his arms around my neck, kissing my lips tenderly. "I was scared it was a bad idea period. And I wanted to consult with you but I couldn't bring myself to do it, because I want you to know that I really am so so so happy now. I was scared to ask you because I didn't want to find out that you think I'm not doing well, or that I'm not back to normal yet."

"Baby you're not normal." I say with a smile, and I can tell it came out wrong because Brian seems a bit hurt. I hurry to elaborate. "Brian, you've never been normal. Neither have I. We're workaholic cross-dressers, there's nothing mundane about it. But I think you're doing so amazing and it fills my heart to see you smiling and laughing and cartwheeling around. And seeing you do that on stage dressed as a prostitute would only make it all the more beautiful."