[[BEING REWRITTEN]] ☆ sweet and sour ☆ joshler

☆9☆

i shuffle my hands in my pockets until i find exactly what im looking for - his number. i unfold it quickly and open my phone in a rush.

i text the number.

alright, i cave

he smiles as his phone buzzes in his pocket. he instantly writes back.

haha took long enough

we both smile at our phones until we both coincidentally look up at each other. we make eye contact. what the fuck am i thinking? its not like i like this guy like that. right?

why would i? and even if i did, no one likes me like that; well, not for long at least.  why would anyone want to like me?

im a fucking basket case and i feel like that will never change. i just, i believe in love but i dont think its for me.

i text him back.

guess so haha

why were you crying

what does it matter

it matters bc somethings wrong

nothings wrong
why do you care

because

because why

because it matters to me

but y tho

bc ur hurting and i dont like to see ppl hurt

im not hurting

oh cmon its almost valentines and i can tell thats bothering you

how can he tell? i didnt say anything out loud, did i? if i did i must have muttered something to myself without thinking. i do tend to do that.

i am bothered about valentines day. it bothers me alot.

but there is something else that bothers me even more - i think i might like him. thats terrifying. why am i doing this to myself - letting myself catch feelings like baseballs thrown at your face.

woohoo, earth to boy earth to boy

he smiles alot but i see something in his eyes that make me wonder if hes as happy as he seems. they seem dim and lifeless.

sorry just thinking

dont think too hard ur brain might explode

with that last text message he gives me a wink. dear god what am i doing?

im supposed to be a badass - a tough guy. haha thats funny - i cant even lie to myself.

this boy is doing something to me and i sure as hell dont like it.

*****
damn this is gettin saucy

this chapter is dedicated to my aunt wanda (rip) who taught me that reading does wonderful things to a person.