The Piano - by H.J (Chapters) ©

Chapter Fourteen

(**beware of dark/possible offensive content in these last two chapters - you've been fairly warned. read at own risk - please be safe**) --

Fourteen .. XX

I knew this could only end badly, but as a mother, I still needed to try. If I left now, I’d be haunted by her actions as I watched him grow and my inability to embrace and protect him as he cried.

I’ll admit that I’d been planning to abort him. I had no other decent, humane option. It was either put him under so much stress it’d kill him, raise him alone and deprive him of the fatherly love every boy needs, or let my mother at him and completely tear him apart. I couldn’t hold her at bay. He was safer and better off with his daddy. I knew I couldn’t find it within myself to move on, and even if I tried, it’d only be halfheartedly, which wasn’t fair to the guy, and it also wasn’t fair to lie to Argus that way. However, now that he was here, I at least had to try and fight. I still loved him.

It was hard to make that decision because I loved him so much. I had never agreed much with abortion either, unless it was under dire or complicated circumstances, such as rape, domestic violence, or a situation like this.

I’ve always said that the baby comes first. It’s not just your body anymore. You chose to give yourself up. Take responsibility and don’t let the child suffer for your mistakes. The child doesn’t deserve to suffer for your mistakes. If you didn’t want kids, you should’ve abstained or at least have been smarter about it. Motherhood is a responsibility, and since sex has the potential to lead to that, sex also comes with some responsibility too. Wait until you're ready. Babies are precious gifts—if not to you, then they still are to those who are infertile and have been dreaming of one for so long. If you're not going to wait, consider that. Fulfilling someone’s dream, or being a part of it, is a great feeling for everyone involved. So you should at least consider adoption first before abortion, if you can.

Unfortunately for me though, I couldn’t. Adoption wasn’t an option because of my mother. If I had tried to put Argus up for adoption, she’d get to him; now that she was in the picture, she took control of everything. So this was my way of taking responsibility and preserving my gift. His existence wasn’t a mistake. I had no regrets in that sense, but I just couldn’t keep Argus around and let him suffer like he would have. He deserved better than that. His safety, rights, and well-being were my priority, not my own wants and wishes of redemption or dreams of family.

How could we ever be a proper family if pieces were missing and there was so much pain?

But now that he was here, I needed to at least fight to hold him one first and final time—to explain and let him know that I care. I couldn’t just walk away. I didn’t care what would happen to me at this point. I just needed to make sure Argus would be all right and that his father would never be forgotten. I’d be with them soon enough. I could handle anything right now as long as they were okay, I thought.

I floated there, watching for a little while longer. I looked dead enough; if I came back now, they’d call it a miracle. My skin was faded, grey, and pale. My eyes were shut. My hair and shirt were soaked. The heart monitor was almost flatlined. It barely beeped. I was also losing a lot of blood; they weren’t stitching me up fast enough.

Is it worth it? I question. At this rate, it would take me weeks to get out of here, if not months. Argus could be dead and gone by then. I turn around, looking to my angel for clarity. He’s still standing there; bright light encircled him. My sunshine. I smiled for a minute and walked back to him. I wanted to stay desperately, but what about our son? "What should I do?" I ask him, my voice cracking with emotion.

He rested his chin on the top of my head and pulled me to him. I could feel his teardrops raining down through my hair.

When an angel cries, that is never a good sign.

"You were my angel. Now it’s time for me to be yours". His voice was solid, like stone.

"Be his! Be HIS! Argus needs you right now more than I do!" I pleaded, confused.

Does he not care about our son?! How could he not care?! Why?!

Something was seriously wrong. He didn’t turn this cold unless everything was falling apart.

"What is it? What do you see, hun? I need you to talk to me". I pleaded and pleaded but to no avail.

He just cried and held me tighter. He took a breath, and everything went blank. Time moved slowly now, but I was aware that I was falling.

"I love you both" was the last thing I heard.