The happiest day of my life?

The wedding

It's supposed to be the best day of my life isn't it. I'm marrying the man of my dreams or so I thought, but there's a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I know it's because of her......

I hear the chattering outside, everyone's happy, everyone is excited I wish I felt the same. I don't know when this started, was it the kiss or was it when I read that Christmas Card? All I know is that it's been brewing for months. I pushed it down, pushed it so far down that even I started to believe my own lies. I do not love her. I have no feelings for her. I am not jealous I'm just concerned for my friend. Lie after lie after lie. Truth is I'm scared,
I'm scared at what this means, scared of losing Mark and the safety he brings, scared of what people will think but most of all I'm scared of losing her. I can't lose her the very thought is unbearable to me.
So I'm here standing on the threshold of the rest of my life, a life I thought I had planned, turns out that when you least expect it life throws a spanner in the works and what you thought you wanted turns out to be something completely different.

"Elly it's time I'll see you down there you look beautiful by the way" Bea says as she exits the room with a smile. The music starts and all I can hear is the pounding in my chest and i feel so numb, so numb that I can hardly breathe. This all feels so wrong. What am I doing?
It's gone quiet eerily quiet and I've realised I've made it halfway down the aisle and froze, physically unable to put one foot in front of the other. I look ahead a see Mark a look of confusion written on his face and to the left I see her, she looks distraught, pain etched on her face, hidden by a fake smile. I can see it though her heart is breaking and so is mine. She's so beautiful inside and out, how did I not realise this before, my heart beats only for her, she's everything I want I realise that now. I want it to be her I'm marrying not Mark, I can't marry him I shouldn't marry him.
I smile at her, she smiles back furrowing her brow cocking her head to the side in confusion. All I see is her, I'm lost in the moment, lost in her eyes. The crowd murmuring forces me to look to Mark he is looking back and forth between Chloe and I in confusion and all at once it dawns on him. I'm in love with his sister.
"I can't marry you, I'm so sorry Mark". As soon as I said it I felt relief quickly followed by the panic of the consequences this might have, and with one last glance at Chloe I turn and run in a flash of white, hoping that she will find me and that she will forgive me.

My heart is pounding out of my chest. I hear voices behind me,but I can't make out who they are, i just keep running faster and faster. I have know idea where I'm going my feet are leading the way but eventually I stop and I'm here at the park. The place where Chloe and I came to console ourselves after the siege. I think that was the day I really realised I loved her I would have died for her to make sure she was safe. You don't do that if you don't really love someone, but again I was stupid and pushed those thoughts to the back of my head. In the aftermath of the siege we found ourselves drawn together in this very park. Brought together by fate or some force much stronger than ourselves, I couldn't be without her I knew it then and I know it now. Looking back it seems like a date to me. I knew then I loved her but I was to blinded by my fear to admit it. If I'd only admitted it sooner. I wish I hadn't hurt Mark, I wish I hadn't hurt Chloe and with that the events of the day come flooding back and I find myself unable to move much further. I find a place out of view by most but close enough to our spot with my back against a tree and think about what I've done. I don't regret it but I regret the hurt I've caused.

I love her it just took me so long to admit it to myself but I knew as soon as I saw her face earlier I couldn't go through with it. She has given me nothing but love and understanding and in return I made her feel like I couldn't love her that what she was feeling was wrong and one sided when nothing could have been further from the truth. Tears fall from my eyes it hurts that I caused her so much pain for so long. I hate myself for it.

"Hey" Her sweet angelic voice travels to my ears like a song on the wind. For a moment I think I imagined it until I look up and she smiles a shy, nervous smile at me. "Can I sit?" I nod dumbly at her somewhat taken aback that she has found me so quickly but then she always knows me best. She takes a seat close next to me I can almost feel her body against mine, I long to be able to reach out and touch her, but I know now is not the time.

"You found me"

"I'll always find you Elly you know that.....well that and I chased after you so I knew where you were going" she chuckles.

"I don't think Mark was to impressed with me, I left as Aaron was trying to calm him down, but I had to follow you because I had to know Why you didn't you marry him Elly? I need to know".

"I just couldn't do it Chlo, how could I do it when I love someone else. I've been trying so hard, so hard to push these feelings away for months, but then I saw your face up at the alter next to Mark and all I could think of was that I wished it was you that I was marrying and not him. I couldn't marry him after that. I do love him but I'm in love with you, it just took me so long to realise it and I'm sorry, I'm sorry I made you feel like your feelings were all one sided I was just so scared, I've never had feelings for a woman before and it scared me but I've come to the realisation that it doesn't matter because it's you that I love and not your gender and if we only have 15/20 years together then so be it because I can't be without you Chloe Brennan.

I hear sniffing beside me, I've made her cry. "Im sorry Chlo" she looks up at me with the brightest smile on her face that I think ive ever seen on her face and shuffles even closer to me. "Don't be sorry Elly" she whispers in my ear causing goosebumps all the way down my back.and my breathing to pick up." We will get through this together, you have always had my heart and you always will. I just never thought, no, I never dreamed that you would return my feelings, but now that you have I can never let you go, no matter the consequences. I love you Elly with everything that I have, you are my soulmate and the most important person in my life and i will cherish every day we have together".
I close my eyes at her words, my heart swells with warmth. I can feel her breathe against my skin and it's doing things to me that I've never felt before, not with anyone. I take a deep breathe and I turn to look at the girl who has my heart. She is looking at me like I'm the most precious thing in her life and I am unable to resist her, I find myself moving towards her, ghosting my lips over hers before kissing her. The kiss is sweet yet full of passion and longing, it was perfect. A perfect moment built up over months since our first kiss. Everything really is better when you love someone.

Before long We are both breathless, not only from the length of the kiss because it was intoxicating and I for one wanted more, but also from the intensity of our feelings . We eventually have to break apart but we rest our foreheads against each other and closing our eyes.

"Wow" falls from my lips before I can stop it and she chuckles " you've no idea how long I've wanted to do that" she smiles shyly at me and I place a kiss on her forehead. " I knew you'd fall for my charms eventually Miss Conway" I laugh at that. Always with the jokes Miss Brennan,but seriously You are so beautiful, I am so lucky that I have you".
She smiles sincerely at me as a red tint appears on her cheeks before replying "oh Elly you'll always have me but we really should go people are starting to notice us. I look around and sure enough a little crowd has gathered I guess a woman in a bride gown kissing her bridesmaid is pretty conspicuous in Erinsborough, I blush.

"Where can we go? I can't go to the Kennedys I'm not ready to face them or Mark and we obviously can't go back to yours".

"Well....."I look up in confusion at her tone.

"Urmm, dont be mad but I kinda booked myself a hotel room in Lassiters for the week. I couldn't face it Elly. You and Mark being newlyweds I just couldn't be around that it would have broken my heart. I Couldnt be in the same place while you consummated your marriage. I just couldn't...it comes out as a whisper. She looks down at that and a single tear falls from her eye. I lift her chin up with my hand "I understand" I say and she sweetly nuzzles her cheek into my hand. "Let's go there then....I just want to be with you Chlo, no drama for a while, just you and I before we face the music" and with that I stand up and hold out my hand she takes it happily and we head off to Lassiters. Maybe after all this is the best day of my life.