1 sided love『 jikook 』

one

they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but jeongguk only felt farther away from jimin than he ever did when they lived in the same city together. 

the two of them have been best friends since they were in kindergarten. jimin used to be as friendly and open as jeongguk, but then his older sister died when he was seven and he's been closed-off ever since. the only one he ever really talked to about his feelings was jeongguk. and even then, jimin wouldn't tell jeongguk a thing unless he was pushed to do so again and again. jeongguk had the patience to do that because he loved his best friend and wanted him to go back to the way he used to be...but that never happened. 

at seventeen, the two of them started dating. one might think that would be impossible since jimin doesn't like to get close to anyone and dating jeongguk would mean he'd have to open up, right? well, not necessarily. as much as jeongguk had hoped that would be the case, it also did not happen. jimin treated jeongguk just the same as if they were still only best friends. jeongguk was even the one to ask jimin out in the first place. he didn't do it only because he wanted jimin to open up. he did it because he really wanted jimin to be his and him, jimin's. he wanted to do what lovers do, going on dates, talking all sweet to each other, touching each other and everything. 

and while on some days, jimin would seem like he's getting better, the next day, he'd only push jeongguk away even further. 

on the night they first slept together, three months into dating, the two of them had the most intimacy they ever had in such a long time. and it wasn't just the sex, it was the talk they had right after it. jimin opened up about how he still feels the absence of his older sister every single day and how he somehow blames himself for letting it happen in the first place. his sister ended her own life while jimin was merely on the other side of the wall as their bedrooms were right next to each other. it was a day when their mother was out of town for a business trip and the two of them were left alone in the house. their father wasn't there since he left before jimin was even born.

granted it wasn't the best pillowtalk to have, especially for the first time, but jeongguk appreciated jimin finally talking to him about it. jimin never really told jeongguk about the guilt he always felt, so jeongguk thought it was only the longing he felt for his lost sister.

but then the next day, jimin didn't answer jeongguk's calls. weeks passed and jimin would only ever text jeongguk short apologies and telling him he was too busy with work. it was summer at the time so they really didn't see each other at school and besides, they already graduated high school at that point. 

so they didn't see each other for weeks. jeongguk was dying little by little, wanting to hear jimin's voice but the latter just wouldn't call him or answer his calls. jeongguk tried stopping by at jimin's work but jimin was never there. and when jeongguk asked him about it, jimin would merely say he took the day off due to family stuff. jeongguk was growing more and more worried each day. something just didn't add up.

then one day, jimin showed up at jeongguk's front door, with a panda plushie in his hand and a sorry smile on his face. jeongguk burst into tears and wrapped jimin in such a tight hug he almost couldn't breathe. jimin apologized for making jeongguk cry and gave him the plushie he was holding. jeongguk's sad face turned into an infuriated one as he started beating jimin up with the plushie. of course, it didn't really hurt jimin though. jeongguk complained about how jimin left him worried and confused for weeks and now he showed up with a plushie and had the audacity to think everything would be just fine. but even so...jeongguk used all that pent-up anger inside of him to kiss jimin roughly and pull him inside his solo apartment. 

they made love that night once again. 

and jeongguk felt closer to jimin than he did the first time they did it.

for some reason, jimin seemed to be his old self again, all cheerful and sweet. it was unnerving for jeongguk because he was afraid it would all go away in an instant. he wanted jimin to stay like that forever even when he knew damn well he wouldn't. 

and he didn't. 

because he moved away the next day.