1 sided love『 jikook 』

four

begging someone to give you a little bit of their time is hard enough as it is, but it gets harder when the person in question is someone who's already terrified of getting close to anyone.

jeongguk was trying. at first, he didn't want to annoy jimin and appear too clingy so he didn't text him that much. he also put their huge time difference into consideration as to why jimin would always reply so many hours late to his texts. he also understood that jimin was often tired from school that's why he was never able to call. 

but as time passed by, the busier jimin got and the more jeongguk missed him. at first, jimin would at least call jeongguk once a week. they had scheduled midnight every friday for jimin to call jeongguk on three in the afternoon fridays. they did that every single week and while it wasn't really enough for jeongguk, he dealt with it and didn't complain. 

he didn't know if he had any right to do so. he wasn't sure where they stood anymore. jimin said he still felt the same way for jeongguk, but that they didn't have to decide anything for now as they're too busy with their own lives. 

it was driving jeongguk insane. his anxiety had gotten worse at that point. he would often dream of jimin never answering him anymore and completely disappearing one day. he'd wake up crying and shaking and missing jimin who used to embrace him whenever he had nightmares. jeongguk wanted so badly to go to iowa but he couldn't. he didn't have the money and it wasn't like jimin's mom and step-dad were going to pay for his ticket either.

it only got worse when jimin became more distant and their weekly calls soon disappeared. 

whenever jeongguk would bring up his anxiety through text, jimin would reassure him that everything was fine and dandy, that jeongguk had nothing to worry about. well, it was for jimin. things were perfect for jimin. jeongguk could see it on his instagram. he'd met new friends he didn't even tell jeongguk about. he'd post videos with them where they'd be eating at restaurants, going to theme parks, zoos and aquariums, studying together in libraries, sleeping overnight at each others' dorms and basically doing almost everything jimin had always refused to do with jeongguk.

jimin didn't even notice the amount of missed calls he got from jeongguk. jimin didn't even notice how jeongguk started texting him more and more even on times jeongguk's supposed to be sleeping. jimin didn't notice the lack of activity in jeongguk's social media accounts or the fact that jeongguk doesn't talk about how well his dance classes were going anymore. 

all jeongguk ever wrote to him were long paragraphs about how lonely he was feeling and how much he missed hearing jimin's voice. and even then, jimin would only dismiss the thought that maybe jeongguk really wasn't feeling well. at this point, jimin had already mastered the consoling speech, reassuring jeongguk there was nothing to worry about. 

but of course, jeongguk saw through it. jeongguk noticed the copy-pasted messages, the short and late replies. jeongguk paid attention and jimin didn't care at all.

that's when jeongguk found out jimin was happier alone.